Good days, Bad days.

That's life right. I have days where I feel pretty OK and only a little tired. Then there are the days where I feel like I am stuck to the couch and the thought of food makes me sick. Some mornings I wake up and forget that I am pregnant. Then I have this huge reality check.

In the back of my mind the chance of miscarriage is always looming so it is making it very hard for me to connect with this pregnancy, as if it wouldn't be hard anyway. So I wait until Tuesday when I can finally call and make an appt with my primary care physician and get the ball rolling. Did I mention that I hate hate hate HMOs. Ok.

It is also weird walking around with this huge secret. Every time we are with family I feel like a big liar. But I also want to wait til I know everything is fine. Why make everyone upset for no reason. We have only told one person in real life (All my online friends know and have been a lifesaver). Charles told his best friend John. I asked him what his reaction was and he said that John just said "Your fucking crazy". I am sure this will be the standard response.

So life goes on. Boys start first grade this year and there is already drama. Anthony was supposed to get a specific teacher and he didn't. I was livid. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. With all his problems he needs this teacher. The principle assured me and so did his kindergarten teacher. The teacher he was supposed to get has about 25 years of experience. She has the reputation for dealing with problem kids and turning them around. The teacher Anthony got has a reputation for being very quiet and laid back. Anthony will get lost in the shuffle in that class. He needs a strong aggressive positive teacher. Also in the class they put him in there are two boys who picked on him last year. One boy even threatened to kill his brother. It was a huge deal the kid got in huge trouble along with his parents having to come in etc etc. So who needs all that drama when you have a hard time paying attention anyway. Also his best friend Ryan is in the other class. This boy is in the top of the class. Very smart, very social, a great role model and mentor for Anthony. He really brings out the best in him. I was told by his kindergarten teacher that they would be put together. So I tried to find the principle and couldn't so I sent an e-mail and will look for her Tuesday morning. Supposedly there are no class changes for two weeks. We'll see. I don't know what kind of response I will get or if she will change anything, but I will be there everyday. And if this teacher is not helping Anthony everyone will know.

Emmy starts school on Tuesday too. She is beyond excited. Everyday she talks about going to school, lots of friends, painting, big slide etc. She asks everyday. I don't think she will want to come home after only 3 hours. It will be interesting.

So that is my life right now. Lots of firsts, lots of new. I am looking forward to next week and dreading it at the same time. Should be busy at least so it will go fast.