Friday, July 18, 2008

I am tired of trying

I have tried so many medicines to help my anxiety and nothing has worked. It is 10pm and I have a knot in my stomach. I can't watch the news or any real life show with out it turning my stomach inside out. The worst is Nancy Grace. They always have some horrible story on there about an abused and murdered child. Drives me bonkers. Or last night I watched this show Hopkins and almost had a heart attach when a mom learned her toddler was in heart failure. I could feel her cry in every part of my body. Maybe it is just because my husband and boys are gone camping but I just cannot relax. If I didn't take Ambien I would never get any sleep.



I have a doctors appointment next week and I hate telling her that it isn't working. She always looks so disappointed. But I also cannot keep this up. She said she is considering refering me to a therapist who can evaluate me better. I guess I can do that. I am really trying to just keep going with the hope that help will come soon.



Current top worries on my mind:




  • My boys are in the wilderness without me- they could get lost and never found, fall in the creek and drown, get attacked by a bear or mountain lion.

  • School is a little over a month away-life gets so difficult during the school year and is so hard for my boys. School causes lots of stress and hard work for all of us.

  • There is only a little over a month of summer left (this looks the same as the other worry but it isn't- there is a lot behind this worry)- I feel like we have fallen short on giving the boys a great vacation.

  • my husband wants to change jobs- his current job is not giving him any challenges. I hate it when he changes jobs. This means changes of insurance, schedule etc.

  • my SIL is having brain surgery this week- how do I help my husband and take care of the kids- The whole week is going to be extremely stressful.

  • money money money- no explanation. Everything costs more lately. Everytime I drive I have anxiety.

3 comments:

Lauren said...

Oh Annalisa, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can totally relate, as I've got anxiety issues myself. They run in my family. I was medicated for a while, but not currently. I absolutely hate that feeling when I start thinking about some horrific thing happening and my heart starts pounding out of my chest and I start shaking and panicking. It's an awful place to be. I hope you and your doctor can find something that works for you and makes you feel better. Hugs, sweetie! I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to!

Dina said...

Hey girl,

I've been there too!! I don't know if you BELIEVE in a higher being, but I realized through all my fears....NONE of them ever HAPPENED!! IT was fearing of things that never came to pass (wasted time, nerves, etc). Give all your worries to a higher power ( and really TRUST that HE will take care of it) and you don't NEED to worry anymore!!! Worring IS a CHOICE. I know we FEEL we can't help it, but it TRULY is a CHOICE & habit sometimes!!! take one hour at a time ( to begin with ) and say I REFUSE to THINK OR WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING THAT ISN'T HAPPINING AT THIS VERY MOMENT!! Your not able to enjoy THE MOMENT (WHETHER Its a minute, hour , day ) because your thinking AHEAD. I know it's hard....stay in the PRESENT! Good luck, and I know you can perserver!!!!!

queen foodie said...

I'm new to your blog, but I feel the same way. I took medication for awhile for panic attacks, but stopped about a year ago. Sometimes I feel like they'll come back at any unexpected time. I know what you mean about driving places. All I can think about when we go somewhere is how much it will cost...I hate that feeling. I hope you can find some peace for yourself.