That's life right. I have days where I feel pretty OK and only a little tired. Then there are the days where I feel like I am stuck to the couch and the thought of food makes me sick. Some mornings I wake up and forget that I am pregnant. Then I have this huge reality check.
In the back of my mind the chance of miscarriage is always looming so it is making it very hard for me to connect with this pregnancy, as if it wouldn't be hard anyway. So I wait until Tuesday when I can finally call and make an appt with my primary care physician and get the ball rolling. Did I mention that I hate hate hate HMOs. Ok.
It is also weird walking around with this huge secret. Every time we are with family I feel like a big liar. But I also want to wait til I know everything is fine. Why make everyone upset for no reason. We have only told one person in real life (All my online friends know and have been a lifesaver). Charles told his best friend John. I asked him what his reaction was and he said that John just said "Your fucking crazy". I am sure this will be the standard response.
So life goes on. Boys start first grade this year and there is already drama. Anthony was supposed to get a specific teacher and he didn't. I was livid. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. With all his problems he needs this teacher. The principle assured me and so did his kindergarten teacher. The teacher he was supposed to get has about 25 years of experience. She has the reputation for dealing with problem kids and turning them around. The teacher Anthony got has a reputation for being very quiet and laid back. Anthony will get lost in the shuffle in that class. He needs a strong aggressive positive teacher. Also in the class they put him in there are two boys who picked on him last year. One boy even threatened to kill his brother. It was a huge deal the kid got in huge trouble along with his parents having to come in etc etc. So who needs all that drama when you have a hard time paying attention anyway. Also his best friend Ryan is in the other class. This boy is in the top of the class. Very smart, very social, a great role model and mentor for Anthony. He really brings out the best in him. I was told by his kindergarten teacher that they would be put together. So I tried to find the principle and couldn't so I sent an e-mail and will look for her Tuesday morning. Supposedly there are no class changes for two weeks. We'll see. I don't know what kind of response I will get or if she will change anything, but I will be there everyday. And if this teacher is not helping Anthony everyone will know.
Emmy starts school on Tuesday too. She is beyond excited. Everyday she talks about going to school, lots of friends, painting, big slide etc. She asks everyday. I don't think she will want to come home after only 3 hours. It will be interesting.
So that is my life right now. Lots of firsts, lots of new. I am looking forward to next week and dreading it at the same time. Should be busy at least so it will go fast.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Hot as hell.
I hate hot. I hate humidity. And it is both here. Yesterday at 5pm when I went to a back to school bbq it was 109. CRAZY. And it is supposed to stay hot all week. Fun. Yesterday we had a power alert and they turned off my AC. Ass wipes. Well thank goodness I have a pool. We just hung out there til it came back on.
The lack of seasons is one of the things I hate about Cali. Everyone else goes back to school and the weather starts cooling but not here. It doesn't cool until around Christmas. And even then it is a crap shoot. We have had Christmas days that reach the mid 80s. It really doesn't start getting cool until January and it continues until mid May. Then the warm up starts. And by cool I mean low 70s during the day and 50s at night. Not exactly the artic freeze. Occasionally we get an off week where we will have freezing temps at night. My kids love this bcuz the sprinklers create "snow" on all the bushes. On Halloween I have to make sure that their costumes aren't too warm because it could be 85 that day. Actually a friend of mine who moved here from Canada said we have seasons. Summer - hot as hell, Fall - hot windy and fire, Winter - warm days cool nights slight chance of rain and mudslides, Spring - warm/hot 50/50 chance.
Anyway I will have to focus on all pluses of living in Cali as I suffer through another hot ass day.
Tell myself, beach, family, mountains, shopping, lots to do. Ok a little better.
The lack of seasons is one of the things I hate about Cali. Everyone else goes back to school and the weather starts cooling but not here. It doesn't cool until around Christmas. And even then it is a crap shoot. We have had Christmas days that reach the mid 80s. It really doesn't start getting cool until January and it continues until mid May. Then the warm up starts. And by cool I mean low 70s during the day and 50s at night. Not exactly the artic freeze. Occasionally we get an off week where we will have freezing temps at night. My kids love this bcuz the sprinklers create "snow" on all the bushes. On Halloween I have to make sure that their costumes aren't too warm because it could be 85 that day. Actually a friend of mine who moved here from Canada said we have seasons. Summer - hot as hell, Fall - hot windy and fire, Winter - warm days cool nights slight chance of rain and mudslides, Spring - warm/hot 50/50 chance.
Anyway I will have to focus on all pluses of living in Cali as I suffer through another hot ass day.
Tell myself, beach, family, mountains, shopping, lots to do. Ok a little better.
Alert
Saturday
Hi: 101°
Lo: 76°
Mostly Sunny
Sunday
Hi: 100°
Lo: 75°
Partly Cloudy
Monday
Hi: 97°
Lo: 71°
Partly Cloudy
Tuesday
Hi: 94°
Lo: 69°
Mostly Sunny
Monday, August 27, 2007
Just busy.
Well I am still freaking out but have been really busy too. We went camping for 7 days and when we got back it was the boys 7th birthday. So I had about 10 loads of laundry to do and a party to get ready for. Now I am just trying to catch up.
Emmy is starting preschool on the same day the boys are starting first grade. Ahhhhhh it is going to be an emotional day. She is only going two half days a week but it is still a big jump into a new world. She is beyond excited. She knows what school is because she would go everyday to take the boys. She can't wait to have "lotsa friends" and go wee on the big slide. I think I am going to have a hard time getting her to come home at noon.
All these changes happening make me nervous. I feel like I am in a dream world most days. I keep hoping to wake up and everything be back to normal. But I don't think that will happen. Now I am getting worried about if this baby will be alright. I know, I know, if I am not worrried about one thing its another.
Here are a couple of recent pics of the kids.
Emmy is starting preschool on the same day the boys are starting first grade. Ahhhhhh it is going to be an emotional day. She is only going two half days a week but it is still a big jump into a new world. She is beyond excited. She knows what school is because she would go everyday to take the boys. She can't wait to have "lotsa friends" and go wee on the big slide. I think I am going to have a hard time getting her to come home at noon.
All these changes happening make me nervous. I feel like I am in a dream world most days. I keep hoping to wake up and everything be back to normal. But I don't think that will happen. Now I am getting worried about if this baby will be alright. I know, I know, if I am not worrried about one thing its another.
Here are a couple of recent pics of the kids.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
It starts.
All the reasons I hate being pregnant are becoming apparently clear. The insomnia and anxiety attacks at night are relentless. Then add the normal fatigue you get with pregnancy and I am a joy to behold every day. I can't get comfortable to save my life and roll over and flip flop all night.
And every once in a while this wave of panic rushes over me with every question in the book popping in my head. Then I was laying with Emmy last night on my bed after her shower. We were just snuggling and talking and she says "I love you mommy very much, always your baby?" Well I started balling because I took that away from her. She won't be the baby for long. I wanted her to be the baby. She is meant to be the baby. And I changed her life forever. I feel horrible about that. I have no idea how I am going to find the time or the energy to give all 4 of my kids the attention they need.
In the mean time I am trying to pack for five people for 7 days. No fun. This is my last day to get it all done. Wish me luck. I hope everyone stays safe and happy while I am gone.
And every once in a while this wave of panic rushes over me with every question in the book popping in my head. Then I was laying with Emmy last night on my bed after her shower. We were just snuggling and talking and she says "I love you mommy very much, always your baby?" Well I started balling because I took that away from her. She won't be the baby for long. I wanted her to be the baby. She is meant to be the baby. And I changed her life forever. I feel horrible about that. I have no idea how I am going to find the time or the energy to give all 4 of my kids the attention they need.
In the mean time I am trying to pack for five people for 7 days. No fun. This is my last day to get it all done. Wish me luck. I hope everyone stays safe and happy while I am gone.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Accidents happen.
Well the crimson tide never arrived so I took a test. And it was positive. And now I don't know what to do.
First of all I am the most fertile person on the planet. One time is all it takes for me. I know this and still made the mistake of playing the odds.
Second, this is exactly what I don't need. I really really really do not want another child. I am happy with my family the way it is. I love my baby girl and wanted her to be my last. And my boys take so much energy I just don't know where I am going to find more.
Third, my parents are going to freak and his mom is going to freak. They have all seen how overwhelmed I am. My mom especially is not going to be over joyed. So I am not at all looking forward to having to tell them.
Forth, If it is a boy, we have no where to put him. We only have a 3 bedroom house. Yes we have an office but it is heavily used so I don't think we could use that. I guess we might have to. I don't know. So we will be praying for a girl.
My husband is shocked but happier than me. He grew up one of 5 so this is not the end of the world to him. But his lack of panic is pissing me off and making me feel all alone.
So I sit here typing and crying and feeling overwhelmed. I can say with all honesty that I do not want this baby. But I also know in my mind that I will love it. I have heard of many people who had surprises and eventually it all works out. I guess I just have to get over it and deal with the next nine months and the fact that I will have 4 kids. The fact that I will never get out of this house. The fact that I did this to myself.
First of all I am the most fertile person on the planet. One time is all it takes for me. I know this and still made the mistake of playing the odds.
Second, this is exactly what I don't need. I really really really do not want another child. I am happy with my family the way it is. I love my baby girl and wanted her to be my last. And my boys take so much energy I just don't know where I am going to find more.
Third, my parents are going to freak and his mom is going to freak. They have all seen how overwhelmed I am. My mom especially is not going to be over joyed. So I am not at all looking forward to having to tell them.
Forth, If it is a boy, we have no where to put him. We only have a 3 bedroom house. Yes we have an office but it is heavily used so I don't think we could use that. I guess we might have to. I don't know. So we will be praying for a girl.
My husband is shocked but happier than me. He grew up one of 5 so this is not the end of the world to him. But his lack of panic is pissing me off and making me feel all alone.
So I sit here typing and crying and feeling overwhelmed. I can say with all honesty that I do not want this baby. But I also know in my mind that I will love it. I have heard of many people who had surprises and eventually it all works out. I guess I just have to get over it and deal with the next nine months and the fact that I will have 4 kids. The fact that I will never get out of this house. The fact that I did this to myself.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Tag!
8 things about me
1. I love the show Gene Simmons Family Values.
2. I love Sushi.
3. I am addicted to the computer.
4. My brother just called me to officially tell me that he is getting a divorce after 20 years of marriage. =(
5. I never see my best friend. We have drifted apart.
6. I long to go to NYC.
7. I hate cleaning.
8. I am a day dreamer.
I would tag people but I don't have anyone new to tag that hasn't done it. =(
1. I love the show Gene Simmons Family Values.
2. I love Sushi.
3. I am addicted to the computer.
4. My brother just called me to officially tell me that he is getting a divorce after 20 years of marriage. =(
5. I never see my best friend. We have drifted apart.
6. I long to go to NYC.
7. I hate cleaning.
8. I am a day dreamer.
I would tag people but I don't have anyone new to tag that hasn't done it. =(
Friday, August 3, 2007
Life is fleeting.
A young man with a wife and two very young kids goes off to the gym to work out. An hour later he is dead, suffering a massive heart attack from a heart defect he didn't know about. The person that died was a cousin of my husbands good friend. I have never met him but have heard of him but his death is a reminder.
My husband is at the funeral right now supporting his friend. And all I can think about is that poor family. There is woman there today, my age, sitting in a pew with her two young children and she is having to say good bye to her husband and best friend. And there are two young children, too young to know what is going on, sitting in a pew at the funeral of their father. Sooooo sad.
Just another one of lifes reminders that life comes and goes in seconds. No one is above death. It comes for all.
RIP Richard Anthony Jaimie.
Jaime, Richard Anthony, beloved son, brother, husband and father, a resident of Fullerton for seven years, passed away July 30, 2007. He left behind his parents, Richard and Mary Ann; brothers, Eric and Christopher all of Orange; wife, Risa Jaime; daughter, Roberta; son, Richard Reese. Rosary was held at Hilgenfeld Mortuary 8/2. Mass will be held at Holy Family Cathedral 566 South Glassell, Orange CA, Friday Aug. 3 at noon. Procession immediately following to Loma Vista Memorial Park, Fullerton. He will be deeply missed.
My husband is at the funeral right now supporting his friend. And all I can think about is that poor family. There is woman there today, my age, sitting in a pew with her two young children and she is having to say good bye to her husband and best friend. And there are two young children, too young to know what is going on, sitting in a pew at the funeral of their father. Sooooo sad.
Just another one of lifes reminders that life comes and goes in seconds. No one is above death. It comes for all.
RIP Richard Anthony Jaimie.
Jaime, Richard Anthony, beloved son, brother, husband and father, a resident of Fullerton for seven years, passed away July 30, 2007. He left behind his parents, Richard and Mary Ann; brothers, Eric and Christopher all of Orange; wife, Risa Jaime; daughter, Roberta; son, Richard Reese. Rosary was held at Hilgenfeld Mortuary 8/2. Mass will be held at Holy Family Cathedral 566 South Glassell, Orange CA, Friday Aug. 3 at noon. Procession immediately following to Loma Vista Memorial Park, Fullerton. He will be deeply missed.
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