Mixed emotions.

Well I got the text this morning that my BIL and SIL were at the hospital in labor. I am truely excited for them and their new additon. But I also have mixed emotions.

I feel a bit sad because I will never do that again, especially after everything I went through and knowing that I truely don't want another. But I will miss the new baby excitement. I don't know if that makes sense.

I also am prepared for the fact that we will lose babysitters. My MIL is our primary babysitter. She drops everything when my BIL calls and will babysit my other nephew at a moments notice. I have a lot of resentment because she openly favors my BIL and his son. She ignored Emmy for the first year of her life because Emmy would cry when she held her. So anyway when their first son was born he had an awesome disposition and won her over in a split second.

She is prepared to do everything she can to help them out because she is worried they can't handle two kids so close (17 months) apart. They had marriage issues about 2 years ago and my MIL thinks she needs to save them. But when I was pregnant with Emmy, Charles had cancer and we moved and I did it all by myself. She never helped. After Emmy was born Charles took one day off and I was on my own. No one worried about me. Now don't get me wrong. I get that she didn't think I needed help but it still annoys me. Mostly because we never get out except maybe once every couple months and my BIL and SIL will drop their kids off whenever and head to a game or dinner. Annoying. On the other hand my SIL does pay the price with having them in her house and business alllll the time. My MIL is heading over there after work to clean it for them so the baby comes home to a clean house. She won't leave until asked and because BIL is such a mamas boy he won't. Last time she stayed at their house 3 days until finally my SIL had a breakdown. So I guess I need to focus on that.

And I also need to focus on a new baby and new cousin for the kids. I do love it when our family gets bigger. End of rant. I feel a little better. At least until she does something to piss me off.