Dreams die

Yesterday I discovered the blog of a woman who moved from NC to NY. I have always dreamt of doing the same thing. I visited NY when I was 15. It was a life changing moment. I loved everything about it and never felt so alive as I did there. I have longed since that moment to go back but have never had the money. All my vacations have been to visit family or friends. I feel like spending the money to go to NY is a slap in their face, like NY is more important.

Anyway, Everytime I read this blog I cry. I guess it is because I will never do what she is doing. I will never have that studio apartment. I will never have that corporate job. I will never have the night out on the town with friends. I will never have all the NY experiences she is having on a daily basis. Also the fact that my husband just doesn't get it makes me even more sad. I tell him about this blog I am reading and his response is "Thats stupid". Nice. I know that he reacts this way because he knows that it was my dream and maybe he feels threatened by it. But still. He could pretend to be supportive. All I have done since even before we got married is be supportive, even though he doesn't see it that way.

Now I do realize that I made a decision. A decision to make him my priority and our life. The day we got married I kissed away my NY dream. I am responsible for this, not him. But it still hurts to read that blog. But at the same time it is a way that I can live the dream, even if it is vicariously.