Understanding

Well I went for a meeting at the boys school. They had been going through extensive testing. So this was the meeting to reveal the results.

As every report passed in front of me listing all the tests, scores, and percentiles my head began to hurt. What does it all mean? Tell me the point. And then it came "Mrs. Rivera, although we cannot technically diagnose Michael, we believe he is autistic". My heart sank. I have been preparing myself and could have told you they would most likely come to that conclusion. But hearing the psychologist say it is another reality. After two hours of going through the tests and discussing his IEP we finally ended the meeting. I headed home to my boys and felt different. I know that I am not different but things around me looked different. I guess now I am seeing through the eyes of a mother with autistic children.

He is supposedly what they call a high functioning autistic. His main deficits are in understanding social pragmatics which basically means he doesn't get social cues from others. He has a hard time imagining himself in an other's shoes. He also has a problem with organization. He can't organize his thoughts or things. If you saw his desk at school it would be very evident. It looks like a bomb went off. He qualified for services from special ed resource person, speech, and occupational therapy. So unfortunately he will be pulled from class more than I would like but they promised to do as much as they can in the classroom.

My part is a bit overwhelming. I need to make checklists for everything. Morning, after school, dinner, bath time, bed time. He needs to learn how to organize things on paper and follow his lists. So he will have input into the lists. I need to create charts that help him with his emotions. Sometimes his reactions are not appropriate so we will help him figure out what reaction is good for the situation. I also need to have as many play dates with different kids as possible. When other kids are over I am supposed to play with them and help him understand what to do and when to do it. We need to engage in lots of role playing and showing him proper responses. They would also like him to have an older peer that is like a big brother. We are thinking his cousin Nicholas would be perfect for this. He is so good with Michael and really patient. He teaches him a lot of things. We will see him this weekend so Charles is going to talk to him and ask him if he wants to help. There are many more things such as diet and supplements but right now I am trying to focus on a list of my own.

It is heartbreaking. All you ever want for you child is a happy life. Filled with all the joys of childhood. Already their lives have been a struggle. Michael especially has such a difficult time making friends. He struggles in school because he cannot follow oral instructions. He is constantly being reminded that he is different. Not because people say he is but because he sees it. He sees how easy everything comes for other kids. He sees how they do their work and go on their marry way. His school experience has never been like this.

Anyway that night I decided I am going to try my best to focus on the strengths that he has. I spent some special snuggle time with him and held him close (which he loves). I told him a bit about the meeting and what his type of autism is. I explained to him how special he is and his gifts that he has for reading and remembering facts. And then I told him all the reasons I love him. His smile, the way he is always happy to see me, the way he gets excited for simple things like snuggling or going for a walk, his love of all nature even the most disgusting bugs, and for the way he makes us so happy. I told him how proud I was that he was my son and how grateful I was that God sent him to me. We hugged and talked and he told me all the things on his mind, mostly animals. And then he went to read in his room.

I know I have to be strong. I know I have to fight for him. I know I am all he has. I know this is my purpose. I know I will make his life as happy and successful as I can. I know that he will always know how much I love him and how very special he is. And I hope that at the end of this journey he is a happy person that loves himself and his life.