Stress

OMG this economy is freaking me out. First in the news - auto makers wanting money. So what happens if they don't get the money. Lots of people lose their jobs before Christmas. Lots of people lose their homes. Yet the executives at the auto makers take this so seriously that they each take a private jet to DC to beg for money. And say DC gave them the money. How long would that money last. It is not going to make anyone buy car's. So where is the solutions. Wouldn't they just be back asking for more.

Then I hear that food banks are running out. How horrible in a country that eats so much that people that actually need the food are not going to get it. If every person in the country bought $5 worth of canned goods that could solve that problem. But I doubt that would happen.

Jobs, jobs, jobs are gone. People are having such a tough time around the holidays. It is just so sad. When will they be able to find work?

So how does this end. No jobs = no spending = no manufacturing= no sales = no jobs. How do you turn that around? Anyone have an answer.

Lots going on.

Well we had a fun weekend. We went to friends 40th bday. It was so fun to be out with out the kids. First we went to this great sushi restraunt. Quiet and excellent food. Then we headed to the party at a local bar. Lots of fun, live band, and too much Crown and coke. But it was a great night.

The boys had Monday and Tuesday off and so does Emmy so it has been hard keeping them from killing each other. She really loves to push their buttons. I have been trying to get things organized and keep busy. Charles is in Houston until tomorrow night and it sure is lonely. But I have a weekend in Vegas to look forward to. I absolutely cannot wait. I am so excited.

In the mean time I meet with the pediatrician tomorrow about the boys. I have to remember to take the reports and make copies for her. I hope we get some kind of information to go on.

Poem

Found this:

The Little Boy

What is it about the little boy . . .
and all his strange little ways?
What is it about the little boy
and the odd way he plays?

What is it about the little boy;
when will he start to talk?
We wonder about the little boy,
since he was very quick to walk

What is it about the little boy;
why can’t he look you in the eye?
What is it about the little boy,
so quick to scream and cry

What is it about the little boy;
he acts different in every way
What is it about the little boy;
they say it won’t go away

What is it about the little boy?
What is the cause for concern?
What it is about the little boy,
has a diagnosis we’ve learned

Now we know about the little boy
So now where do we turn?
Now we know about the little boy;
there is so much to learn

So, who will help the little boy?
Insurance says no way!
Who will help the little boy
If we cannot pay?

Who will show the little boy..
show him how to play?
Who will show the little boy
What will happen each day?

So what will help the little boy;
his mother's determination and love.
What will help her with the little boy...
grace and strength from up above

Don't know where to start

Well I went on Thursday for the meeting for Anthony. Basically they had the same conclusion. High functioning autism. His social skills are a little better than Michael's in that he will play with others. But he never initiates play and he often gets stuck on a subject. He has a much much harder time finishing work in his class. One day that the pyschologist observed him he took six minutes to just write his name. He tested very high for his long term memory IQ at 133 which is the top score. And his average IQ across all 6 areas was 111 which is high average.

I have made an appointment with their ped for a consultation but I really don't knowe where we go from here. What does it all mean? Will they one day be able to live on their own? Will the get married and have children? Will they be happy? Will they be bullied relentlessly? I am just so worried. I don't know what to do.

Before we just would tell our selves that they had little quirks. Anthony likes to talk (about the same thing over and over). Michael is painfully shy, seeing how he never looks anyone new or strange in the eye. Michael so wants friends and begs for kids to come over. And then he plays by himself. I don't really get it. Anthony usually ends up playing with the kids Michael invites over.

School is beyond painful for both boys. Writing is labored and painful. The therapist says they need to start learning to type. They are very intimidated by math. They see a math page and panic. So the pyschologist says to block their work into small groups so it isn't so overwhelming.

There is so much to do. Adjust school work. Make checkoff lists for everything. Put them in lots of social situations and constantly talk them through it. Everyday is going to be an exercise in patience. I feel beyond overwhelmed. My head hurts.

Understanding

Well I went for a meeting at the boys school. They had been going through extensive testing. So this was the meeting to reveal the results.

As every report passed in front of me listing all the tests, scores, and percentiles my head began to hurt. What does it all mean? Tell me the point. And then it came "Mrs. Rivera, although we cannot technically diagnose Michael, we believe he is autistic". My heart sank. I have been preparing myself and could have told you they would most likely come to that conclusion. But hearing the psychologist say it is another reality. After two hours of going through the tests and discussing his IEP we finally ended the meeting. I headed home to my boys and felt different. I know that I am not different but things around me looked different. I guess now I am seeing through the eyes of a mother with autistic children.

He is supposedly what they call a high functioning autistic. His main deficits are in understanding social pragmatics which basically means he doesn't get social cues from others. He has a hard time imagining himself in an other's shoes. He also has a problem with organization. He can't organize his thoughts or things. If you saw his desk at school it would be very evident. It looks like a bomb went off. He qualified for services from special ed resource person, speech, and occupational therapy. So unfortunately he will be pulled from class more than I would like but they promised to do as much as they can in the classroom.

My part is a bit overwhelming. I need to make checklists for everything. Morning, after school, dinner, bath time, bed time. He needs to learn how to organize things on paper and follow his lists. So he will have input into the lists. I need to create charts that help him with his emotions. Sometimes his reactions are not appropriate so we will help him figure out what reaction is good for the situation. I also need to have as many play dates with different kids as possible. When other kids are over I am supposed to play with them and help him understand what to do and when to do it. We need to engage in lots of role playing and showing him proper responses. They would also like him to have an older peer that is like a big brother. We are thinking his cousin Nicholas would be perfect for this. He is so good with Michael and really patient. He teaches him a lot of things. We will see him this weekend so Charles is going to talk to him and ask him if he wants to help. There are many more things such as diet and supplements but right now I am trying to focus on a list of my own.

It is heartbreaking. All you ever want for you child is a happy life. Filled with all the joys of childhood. Already their lives have been a struggle. Michael especially has such a difficult time making friends. He struggles in school because he cannot follow oral instructions. He is constantly being reminded that he is different. Not because people say he is but because he sees it. He sees how easy everything comes for other kids. He sees how they do their work and go on their marry way. His school experience has never been like this.

Anyway that night I decided I am going to try my best to focus on the strengths that he has. I spent some special snuggle time with him and held him close (which he loves). I told him a bit about the meeting and what his type of autism is. I explained to him how special he is and his gifts that he has for reading and remembering facts. And then I told him all the reasons I love him. His smile, the way he is always happy to see me, the way he gets excited for simple things like snuggling or going for a walk, his love of all nature even the most disgusting bugs, and for the way he makes us so happy. I told him how proud I was that he was my son and how grateful I was that God sent him to me. We hugged and talked and he told me all the things on his mind, mostly animals. And then he went to read in his room.

I know I have to be strong. I know I have to fight for him. I know I am all he has. I know this is my purpose. I know I will make his life as happy and successful as I can. I know that he will always know how much I love him and how very special he is. And I hope that at the end of this journey he is a happy person that loves himself and his life.

Halloween Pics

Well we had a great Halloween. Our neighbors had a huge haunted house thing and it was so fun. All the monsters, lights, fog etc were in sync with the music. It was really fun music like "Monster Mash". The kids loved it. I just wish the boys would have chosen different costumes. They have never even seen the movies about their costumes but they just know that they are scary. I think it has something to do with the fact that Anthony got really scared one time at the mall when he saw a Freddy statue that moved at Spencer's. He was so scared that every time we went to the mall he would walk all the way on the other side. So I think it was him conquering his fear.