It starts.

All the reasons I hate being pregnant are becoming apparently clear. The insomnia and anxiety attacks at night are relentless. Then add the normal fatigue you get with pregnancy and I am a joy to behold every day. I can't get comfortable to save my life and roll over and flip flop all night.

And every once in a while this wave of panic rushes over me with every question in the book popping in my head. Then I was laying with Emmy last night on my bed after her shower. We were just snuggling and talking and she says "I love you mommy very much, always your baby?" Well I started balling because I took that away from her. She won't be the baby for long. I wanted her to be the baby. She is meant to be the baby. And I changed her life forever. I feel horrible about that. I have no idea how I am going to find the time or the energy to give all 4 of my kids the attention they need.

In the mean time I am trying to pack for five people for 7 days. No fun. This is my last day to get it all done. Wish me luck. I hope everyone stays safe and happy while I am gone.