Well the crimson tide never arrived so I took a test. And it was positive. And now I don't know what to do.
First of all I am the most fertile person on the planet. One time is all it takes for me. I know this and still made the mistake of playing the odds.
Second, this is exactly what I don't need. I really really really do not want another child. I am happy with my family the way it is. I love my baby girl and wanted her to be my last. And my boys take so much energy I just don't know where I am going to find more.
Third, my parents are going to freak and his mom is going to freak. They have all seen how overwhelmed I am. My mom especially is not going to be over joyed. So I am not at all looking forward to having to tell them.
Forth, If it is a boy, we have no where to put him. We only have a 3 bedroom house. Yes we have an office but it is heavily used so I don't think we could use that. I guess we might have to. I don't know. So we will be praying for a girl.
My husband is shocked but happier than me. He grew up one of 5 so this is not the end of the world to him. But his lack of panic is pissing me off and making me feel all alone.
So I sit here typing and crying and feeling overwhelmed. I can say with all honesty that I do not want this baby. But I also know in my mind that I will love it. I have heard of many people who had surprises and eventually it all works out. I guess I just have to get over it and deal with the next nine months and the fact that I will have 4 kids. The fact that I will never get out of this house. The fact that I did this to myself.
First of all I am the most fertile person on the planet. One time is all it takes for me. I know this and still made the mistake of playing the odds.
Second, this is exactly what I don't need. I really really really do not want another child. I am happy with my family the way it is. I love my baby girl and wanted her to be my last. And my boys take so much energy I just don't know where I am going to find more.
Third, my parents are going to freak and his mom is going to freak. They have all seen how overwhelmed I am. My mom especially is not going to be over joyed. So I am not at all looking forward to having to tell them.
Forth, If it is a boy, we have no where to put him. We only have a 3 bedroom house. Yes we have an office but it is heavily used so I don't think we could use that. I guess we might have to. I don't know. So we will be praying for a girl.
My husband is shocked but happier than me. He grew up one of 5 so this is not the end of the world to him. But his lack of panic is pissing me off and making me feel all alone.
So I sit here typing and crying and feeling overwhelmed. I can say with all honesty that I do not want this baby. But I also know in my mind that I will love it. I have heard of many people who had surprises and eventually it all works out. I guess I just have to get over it and deal with the next nine months and the fact that I will have 4 kids. The fact that I will never get out of this house. The fact that I did this to myself.
7 comments:
Oh honey, lots and lots of hugs... I wish I had the right words. I do think everything happens for a reason, and I think you'll make it and you will be fine... I am here for you. Please feel free to talk/vent/complain, anything to me whenever you want!
wow, I felt like I was reading a important chapter of a NOVEL!! I feel for you....I do worry because your sooo overwhelmed, but whats ONE MORE KID??? get rid of the office, let the 2 boys have a room and the 2 (?????) girls have theirs!! It will all be okay. as long as the husband is good with it...that would be hurtful if HE was bummed :)) hope the news is accepted well!!
Much Luck!!
Dina
Hugs, sweetie. Give yourself some time to get used to the idea. Things will be okay--and someday you'll look back and won't even be able to imagine your life without 4 kids.
Take it easy!
Big Hugs, it will all work it's self out. You know I'm here if you need me.
I don't have the right words. It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. I wish I could help you. I know it's hard. I'm here.
I like to believe that things always has a way of working themselves out ...
you are so lucky. look at it like another blessing.
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