Leaving her behind :(

For our first camping trip of the summer, we decided to leave Emmy behind. We bought a trailer this past winter and we have about 5 4 day trips planned this summer. Well, as per my other post, Emmy never stops. It is going to be a nightmare having her there cuz it isn't like she is going to just sit by the campsite, or sit by the stream, or sit by the lake. Where we camp is very rocky and hilly. It isn't a green meadow. So we decided to leave her with my MIL the first trip in the middle of June. I really struggled with this because they are supposed to be family trips but I think it is for the best. Here are my reasons.

First, the whole trip I will be telling her no, no, no and she will be screaming. At my MILs this will not happen. They are already planning trips to Chuck E Cheese and the park etc. She will probably get spoiled rotten.

Second, the boys are always having activities cut short because of her, if she isn't there they can fish or hike all day. It will be a nice time to reconnect with them and give them some really good attention.

Third, my MIL is moving from Cali to Texas in August. So this will be some good bonding time with her. They are just now starting to get close and Emmy loves her "mama". We also will not have another chance to have any breaks from Emmy after my MIL moves because we don't really have anyone that can take her overnight.


Fourth, I need a vacation. I really do. And although we will have the boys with us it will still be relaxing because they are almost 7. They just fish and hunt for bugs all day. So I can bring a book and sit by the stream or lake and relax. And I'll be there for the big catch and to give them lots of hugs and praise. Also I am looking forward to a nice hike through this valley that is up the road from our campground.

Little Lakes Valley
Here is a link if you want to go on a virtual hike there
http://www.rockcreeklake.com/virtual/llvalley/1.htm

Well as for the cons, I will miss her with all my heart. I have never been away from her for more than 1 night. And it does bug me that we will have a family vacation with out her. But I know that there will be 4 more trips that she will be on and drive me crazy.

Rock Creek Lake, Eastern Sierra Nevada

Rock Creek which runs through our campground.

Things that bug me.

Apparently the way I have been giving my children birthday parties is all wrong.

This is how we usually do one of our kids parties. I buy all the food, clean the house, decorate, prepare all the food, make goodie bags etc etc and spend a small fortune all the while trying to entertain 3 kids. No one watches my kids so I can get any of the above done in peace and Charles is always conviently busy at work. We invite about 30 close family and friends, have the party and Emmy gets a few nice presents. Then I clean up all the mess.

But my SIL and BIL have a way better way of throwing a party. Invite about 70 people. Then have my MIL buy all the food and make all the food. They leave their 1 child with MIL while they run all their errands. They have the party at a park so they don't have to clean up their house. MIL brings all the food and we even helped buy the groceries because she has limited money. They get about 20 nice presents for their child. They spent a minimal amount of money and take home all the left overs.

So I am thinking I should try this sometime. Could I be that inconsiderate? Could I be that oblivious to my own selfishness? Could I have other people throw a party for my child who is my responsibility? I don't know. My BIL and SIL have no problem with it. Why does this bother me so much? I think I just get frustrated because they have nicer things than us but have the nerve to have my MIL spend money on their party. They just got a brand new kitchen, new can lighting throughout their house, season tickets to the Angels . But they have my SIL watch their child for free during the week and are constantly dropping him off without notice. This just bugs me. I need to find a way to let go of it but every time they do something inconsiderate all this frustration comes right back.

Lots of stuff goin on.

Sometimes life just gets so busy it is hard to catch your breath.

So the side cement is done and we have a second quote comming for a gate tomorrow. Charles is designing an iron gate himself and both these places make them custom. So once that is done the trailer can be put on the side of the house.



Next is the grass for the back yard. Charles has to get some new dirt and till it in with the old dirt. Then the sod can be put down. I can't wait to have green grass. It will be so nice.


So today we went to a park to celebrate my nephews first birthday. Emmy was non stop the whole time. She wouldn't leave the playground. I had to strap her in her stroller just to get her to eat or drink water. And it was hot. So she needed more breaks but would freak if we took her off the playground. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with her. She is relentless.

So we get home and Emmy crashes for a long nap and the boys say they want to go swimming. It is the first weekend of really warm weather so we let them. Luckly the water wasn't freezing and the new solar heater we got is working well. They loved it and had a great time. Now I am going to crash. I need to find food for everyone but I really don't feel like it.

DECLINED

I hate hate hate getting declined at the register of a store. For the second time at the same store (Sams Club) I was declined today. Both times we had plenty of money to cover the transactions and both times it was the banks fault.

The first time it was with my Bof A account. They said the computers were down that afternoon. But the cashier didn't know that when she gave me that look of pity. And the people behind me didn't know that when they were rolling there eyes like I was trying to get out of the store with a cart full of merchandise and no money. So my husband called and yelled at the store and said they should have offered me a credit card application so I could get out of the store with some dignity. And they appologized and the bank appologized but I was still shell shocked. My husband was so mad at BofA that he moved all our money to the local credit union. Every time after that day I was a little nervous at the register, even though I had confirmed how much money was in the account before going to the store.

So today I go shopping and I am short on time. I run in and my phone rings and it is Charles telling me to pick up a home theater system while I am there. I say "Are you sure we have enough money?" He says we have plenty. So I go on my merry way and get to the register and swipe my debit card with all the confidence in the world. And what happens? DECLINED. WTF People are staring and whispering and I am turning beet red. So I tell them we have a credit card here can you put it on that. They say I am not authorized on the card and send me over to the customer service desk. So I had to apply for a new card and I was pissed but finally get out, get Emmy at my SILs and get home. So I call Charles and tell him what happened and he is pissed. He knows we have enough money to cover the $350 bill. He knows how upset and embarrassed I was the first time this happened. He is also pissed cuz he knows he put me on the credit card he opened through Sams.

So he calls the credit union and gets some lady that doesn't speak clearly. He finds out through the heavy accent that even if we have thousands of dollars in the bank for some reason our debit transaction limit is $300. So we will be declined even if we have enough money to cover the purchase if it is over $300. Now he is really pissed because that doesn't make sense and on top of it he also has a line of credit so that if we needed more money than what was in our account we wouldn't get overdraft fees. So he is now headed to the credit union to chew someone out. And I am no longer shopping at Sams. He can go and get declined. Not me.

Sensory Processing Disorder.

This blog was first on my myspace blog but I decided to move it here.

I read up about it and the boys have a lot of the symptoms of it. I kinda get excited because we have a name for what is going on with them. So I look at the treatments and a lot of them they are getting from the Occupational therapy they are receiving through the school . So now I am even more excited.

They have made a lot of progress since the beginning of the year. They are writing better and have a lot more motor skills such as hopping on one foot, skipping, galloping, balancing. Michael has been writing more of his homework instead of typing it. This is big because he used to freak when I just asked him to write his name.

So I am taking them to school this morning and I see the OT person. We are chit chatting about the boys and I mention this disorder, SPD. She says that they thought that is what the boys had but they are not responding to traditional therapy. She says that none of the standard treatments are working. She then proceeds to tell me that the boys are a phenominon and that none of the OT people at her work can figure them out. She said their intellegence levels are way above average but they just can't focus. They can't finish their work independantly and can't sit still. They did give Michael and exercise ball to sit on during class to help him since he can't sit criss cross applesauce without being really fidgity. The ball has helped some and he is participating more in class discussions etc but he is the only child sitting on a red excercise ball during class.

So I tell Charles about this. His reaction is that we should stop therapy if they don't have a solution or a cause of their behavior. He is worried that all this singling out and being pulled out of class for therapy is making them selfconscious. They already have a hard time with social situations and he feels that they are being set apart too much. He wants to boost their confidence and he feels that therapy just keeps telling them something is wrong with them.

Well I totally get his point and can see his side. But I am also worried that stopping therapy may be wrong. First of all we have a crappy HMO that won't pay for shit. No therapy is offered. We have taken them to the doc and to a neuropsychologist and they were supposed to have a CAT scan but the group never approved it. The therapy provided is at the schools cost. So we pay nothing. They work with the school and have the boys work tailored to meet there abilities. What happens if we go to the school and say thanks but no thanks. Maybe they won't be as helpful kwim.

So I really don't know what to do next. All I want is for them to be able to function at school, do their work and be happy. Right now none of those things are happening. They hate school and say it is boring. Well it doesn't get any better than Kindergarten. So what do I tell them. Guess what you have at least 12 more years to go.

Killin Time!

Killing time bfor I pick up my boys so I stoll this from Dena's page who stole it from Jodifur's page ..

1. Your Height?
5'6'

2. Have you ever done Heroin?
Nope.. Definitely not something I would have ever done. I find it repulsive. (Ditto Dena)

3. Do you own a gun?
Me personally, No. My husband has two shot guns for hunting.

4. Jodi didn't have a 4, so I'm gonna skip it!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Sometimes, I have avoided the doc for two years so I have to go soon. I know he will find something wrong with me.

6. Do you like hot dogs?
Actually yes I do, they are so gross but I love them. Especially on the grill. (ditto Dena)

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Santa baby (OMG, Ditto again)

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee and water

9. Is your bathroom clean?
Yep, I cleaned it Saturday.

10. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
Diamond earings and necklace Charles gave me.

11. Do you like pain killers?
Only if I am in pain..

12. Do you have A.D.D
Nope

13. What's your name?
Annalisa

14. Favorite Singer of all time?
I kinda don't have one. I like so many different artists and it really has to do with my mood.

15. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Coffee, Water, Green tea

16. Middle Name
None

17. Current worry?
Too many too list. I am a worrier. I know it does no good but I can't help it.

18. Current hate?
being tired. I haven't slept well in the last couple of weeks.

19. Favorite Place to be?
Local-the beach

20. How did you bring in the New year?
First went to BIL and SILs house for a nice meal then came home and relaxed. No biggy.

21. Where would you like to go?
New York to see family, Italy and meet my relatives, Spain

22. Do you own slippers?
No, I am usually barefoot.

23. What are you wearing?
Jeans and a hoodie, flip flops

24. Favorite Color(s)?
Purple

25. Would you be a pirate?
No, I am not into stealing

26. What songs do you sing in the shower?
None, I am usually thinking about the day ahead.

27. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Monster in my closet or under my bed.

28. Best bed sheets as a child?
My mom always got me the best bedding sets. I had so many I couldn't pick one but I remember the yellow lace canopy bedding the best.

29. Worst Injury you've ever had?
sprained ankle

30. How many TVs do you have in your house?
3

31. Who is your loudest friend?
Kevin

32. Who is your most silent friend?
Jill sometimes

33. Does someone have a crush on you?
no

34. Do you wish on shooting stars?
no

35. What is your favorite book?
I have so many. I am in a book club and we are reading a book called Bee Season. It isn't my favorite of all time but it is pretty good.

36. What is your favorite Candy?
Dark Chocolate or starburst

37. What song did you/ do you want played at your wedding?
Our first dance was to "The Gift" by Jim Brickman. We also danced to Stand By Me. We had Mariachis and lots of Mexican music. It was a blast.

38. What song do you want played at your funeral?
No Clue

39. What were you doing @ 12Am this morning?
tossing and turning

40. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
Another monday ahhhhhh.

All 3

Anthony, Emmy, and Michael. I very rarely get a photo of all three of my kids together. They are always on the move. But a couple of days ago I saw a rare sighting of all 3 on the couch and grabbed the opportunity. The pic isn't the greatest cuz the boys aren't level but all three are together YAY!

Work has begun!

Well the guys came today to start working on the side yard. They tore down the cinder block wall so far. They are going to take out the grass in the front and then cement all the way from the sidewalk to the back shed. That way we can put our trailer on the side of the house not in the front drive way where it is a monstrosity among the neighborhood. Speaking of neighborhood, I am sure they loved hearing the workman tearing down the wall at 7:30am. Oh well.



Charles removed all the grass last week and now we have as side yard full of dirt. We have to wait until the cement is laid and dried before we get grass cuz Charles has to bring it through that side. So for at least a couple of weeks we have a yard of dirt. I just look forward to a beautiful front yard with no trailer, a beautiful side yard with soft green grass. The pool area is another story. It needs so much work too. But who knows if we will get it done. I want to pull out the old bushes and put in this awesome garden I saw in Real Simple magazine. Charles said he can get all the plants at work so maybe it will happen. I really want it to be an oasis at night after the kids go to bed. I would love to just hang out and drink and relax. So lets see if Charles is on board with all the work it will take. These are the kind of plants I want around the pool. I think it would look gorgeous.

This is the only pic I could find that kinda showed the back yard by the pool. The yard extends a ways back and is surrounded by these hideous bushes. I want to have it surrounded with the plants in the first foto and then have a nice outdoor set with a fire pit. Hopefully some day!

For anyone who cares

I have been really really busy today and all week. As soon as I have 10 minutes by myself I will try to blog something really spectacular. Like how I almost got all the laundry done until my son fell in the mud, or how my diswasher wasn't working, or how I got out of PTA duty cuz of the rain. Really really enthrawling mind bending stuff. I know you all can't wait.

The Grass

My boys are so sensitive. Sometimes this is a bad thing and can drive us to the brink of meltdown. Other times their sensitivity leads us to observing things in a different way. Today my husband tore up the back lawn so we can get new grass. The old grass was scratchy and full of weeds. Anyway we are also cementing the side yard so we can put the camping trailer on the side of the house instead of the driveway. Michael comes in crying. I ask him what is wrong and he says he misses the grass. I at first start to laugh and then realize he is very serious. He says the old grass was perfect for making animals and he's played on it his whole life. He was right, I couldn't argue. I tried to calm him down with dreams of the new grass and how green and soft it would be. But he was still sad. Tonight when I put him to bed, he said he was gonna dream of the old grass cuz he missed it. I gave him a kiss and told him sweet dreams. As I was walking down stairs I thought about it and realized he had every right to be a little sad. A part of his everyday history was gone. So lets all take a moment in honor of the old grass and yard which served us well for 6 and 1/2 years.

Playing on the old grass last Summer.

It comes and goes it the blink of an eye

Money. It was here briefly. Then it is gone. 3k Spent on a new side yard. New cement. New gate. Gone.

My life

Look at this pic. This is so typical and speaks volumes.

Oh btw this wine is really good and cheap. I first discovered it at book club. Found it at a Trader Joes. This one is the cabernet but I also have the shiraz. But that is for tomorrow.

I love this song.

The first time I heard it I kinda liked it. But I kept listening to it and I love it now. I could listen to it all day. It is me in my life right now. Plus he isn't hard on the eyes.

Come home asshole

Tuesday-Golfing and drinking
Wednesday- work
Thursday -Golfing and Drinking
Friday- meeting, then met up with friends more drinking

But it is too much for me to expect him to come home so the boys can ride their bikes. Hmmmm?

Dog sitting went well

Oakley was very well behaved and Emmy was in heaven. All she wanted to do was love the dog. She didn't want to leave him for a moment. She would really love a dog but I really don't want the hastle. Maybe next year.

As for the rest of the day, I slept crappy last night and I can't wait for Emmy to take a nap. Then I can catch some zzzzs. The boys are at their cousins playing so yay! me. Charles is out with friends again. Says its business but its not. Anyway house is just for Emmy and me.

Dreams die

Yesterday I discovered the blog of a woman who moved from NC to NY. I have always dreamt of doing the same thing. I visited NY when I was 15. It was a life changing moment. I loved everything about it and never felt so alive as I did there. I have longed since that moment to go back but have never had the money. All my vacations have been to visit family or friends. I feel like spending the money to go to NY is a slap in their face, like NY is more important.

Anyway, Everytime I read this blog I cry. I guess it is because I will never do what she is doing. I will never have that studio apartment. I will never have that corporate job. I will never have the night out on the town with friends. I will never have all the NY experiences she is having on a daily basis. Also the fact that my husband just doesn't get it makes me even more sad. I tell him about this blog I am reading and his response is "Thats stupid". Nice. I know that he reacts this way because he knows that it was my dream and maybe he feels threatened by it. But still. He could pretend to be supportive. All I have done since even before we got married is be supportive, even though he doesn't see it that way.

Now I do realize that I made a decision. A decision to make him my priority and our life. The day we got married I kissed away my NY dream. I am responsible for this, not him. But it still hurts to read that blog. But at the same time it is a way that I can live the dream, even if it is vicariously.

I want to be the dad.

I want to be able to do what ever I want whenever I want. I want to skip work and golf all day. Then go out for Sushi. Then on my way home get a call from friends and decide to have a few beers with them. I want to walk in when I feel like it and be the hero after being completely selfish all day. I want to feel that it is my right to do all this and never feel bad for disappointing my wife and kids. When I have something to do around the house I want to be able to do it without having to occupy 3 kids at the same time. I want to do all my chores in peace. I want someone to make all my meals and wash all my clothes. I want to wake up take a shower in peace, get dressed by myself and go to work. After a tough day of dealing with adults I want to come home and have someone make me dinner and then I get to play with my kids.

Why can I never say no.

OK so I have this friend and we hang out occasionally but not often. She will bring her kids over and they play and then leave. Anyway I can almost always count on her asking for something when she calls. So today the phone rings and I look at the caller ID and I see it is her. I immediately have to decide whether I should chance it and pick it up or ignore it. So I decide to pick it up. Mistake. First we start off with small talk and I tell her about how busy spring break has been and how I am tired of having all the neighborhood kids over etc etc. She tells me how it is going with moving and selling the house. After that she explains that tomorrow is the broker open house and she and her mom are taking her boys to the zoo but she has no place for her dog. He is a big loud dog and her place is quite small and it wouldn't help the place show well. So she asks if I can watch him for a couple of hours . I really want to say no because like I said this dog is loud and obnoxious and it is going to cause diruption to our home but nooooo I say "sure, no problem". Why Why Why!!!!!!!!!!! I never say no. I have babysat her kids, her dog (one time for 14 days) and she has never watched mine. OK so I have never asked her, but I always think that I don't want to impose on her. So there it is, I need to impose on her and I am gonna start. As soon as she moves and is settled in, I am gonna ask her to watch Emmy and see how it goes. If she says she can't then I won't do her any favors either.

Go Home!

To all the kids who keep congregating on our front lawn:

Please stop asking me for things. Please stop ringing the door bell. Please stop picking all the flowers. Please stop teasing Emmy.

I always wanted to be that cool mom whose house everyone came to but now I have changed my mind. I now want to be that peaceful mom whose kids are at some suckers down the street.

Just another day

Well today was just another day. Woke up, showered, got everyone food and dressed then we headed out to the park and met up with some friends. It was a good time for the kids, not so much for me, but we were out kwim. So Emmy had OCD when it came to the slide and swings. She just wouldn't stop. There is no point in trying carry on a conversation while at the park with her. Of course when it was time to leave she freaked. 3 hours at the park I guess is just not enough. But it was enough for me. She napped for not as long as I thought so hopefully she will sleep gooooood tonight. A fun filled evening of making food for ungrategful people and giving baths followed by cleaning up and laundry- I know everyone is jealous.