Just busy.

Well I am still freaking out but have been really busy too. We went camping for 7 days and when we got back it was the boys 7th birthday. So I had about 10 loads of laundry to do and a party to get ready for. Now I am just trying to catch up.

Emmy is starting preschool on the same day the boys are starting first grade. Ahhhhhh it is going to be an emotional day. She is only going two half days a week but it is still a big jump into a new world. She is beyond excited. She knows what school is because she would go everyday to take the boys. She can't wait to have "lotsa friends" and go wee on the big slide. I think I am going to have a hard time getting her to come home at noon.

All these changes happening make me nervous. I feel like I am in a dream world most days. I keep hoping to wake up and everything be back to normal. But I don't think that will happen. Now I am getting worried about if this baby will be alright. I know, I know, if I am not worrried about one thing its another.

Here are a couple of recent pics of the kids.

It starts.

All the reasons I hate being pregnant are becoming apparently clear. The insomnia and anxiety attacks at night are relentless. Then add the normal fatigue you get with pregnancy and I am a joy to behold every day. I can't get comfortable to save my life and roll over and flip flop all night.

And every once in a while this wave of panic rushes over me with every question in the book popping in my head. Then I was laying with Emmy last night on my bed after her shower. We were just snuggling and talking and she says "I love you mommy very much, always your baby?" Well I started balling because I took that away from her. She won't be the baby for long. I wanted her to be the baby. She is meant to be the baby. And I changed her life forever. I feel horrible about that. I have no idea how I am going to find the time or the energy to give all 4 of my kids the attention they need.

In the mean time I am trying to pack for five people for 7 days. No fun. This is my last day to get it all done. Wish me luck. I hope everyone stays safe and happy while I am gone.

Accidents happen.

Well the crimson tide never arrived so I took a test. And it was positive. And now I don't know what to do.

First of all I am the most fertile person on the planet. One time is all it takes for me. I know this and still made the mistake of playing the odds.

Second, this is exactly what I don't need. I really really really do not want another child. I am happy with my family the way it is. I love my baby girl and wanted her to be my last. And my boys take so much energy I just don't know where I am going to find more.

Third, my parents are going to freak and his mom is going to freak. They have all seen how overwhelmed I am. My mom especially is not going to be over joyed. So I am not at all looking forward to having to tell them.

Forth, If it is a boy, we have no where to put him. We only have a 3 bedroom house. Yes we have an office but it is heavily used so I don't think we could use that. I guess we might have to. I don't know. So we will be praying for a girl.

My husband is shocked but happier than me. He grew up one of 5 so this is not the end of the world to him. But his lack of panic is pissing me off and making me feel all alone.

So I sit here typing and crying and feeling overwhelmed. I can say with all honesty that I do not want this baby. But I also know in my mind that I will love it. I have heard of many people who had surprises and eventually it all works out. I guess I just have to get over it and deal with the next nine months and the fact that I will have 4 kids. The fact that I will never get out of this house. The fact that I did this to myself.

Tag!

8 things about me

1. I love the show Gene Simmons Family Values.

2. I love Sushi.

3. I am addicted to the computer.

4. My brother just called me to officially tell me that he is getting a divorce after 20 years of marriage. =(

5. I never see my best friend. We have drifted apart.

6. I long to go to NYC.

7. I hate cleaning.

8. I am a day dreamer.


I would tag people but I don't have anyone new to tag that hasn't done it. =(

Life is fleeting.

A young man with a wife and two very young kids goes off to the gym to work out. An hour later he is dead, suffering a massive heart attack from a heart defect he didn't know about. The person that died was a cousin of my husbands good friend. I have never met him but have heard of him but his death is a reminder.

My husband is at the funeral right now supporting his friend. And all I can think about is that poor family. There is woman there today, my age, sitting in a pew with her two young children and she is having to say good bye to her husband and best friend. And there are two young children, too young to know what is going on, sitting in a pew at the funeral of their father. Sooooo sad.

Just another one of lifes reminders that life comes and goes in seconds. No one is above death. It comes for all.

RIP Richard Anthony Jaimie.

Jaime, Richard Anthony, beloved son, brother, husband and father, a resident of Fullerton for seven years, passed away July 30, 2007. He left behind his parents, Richard and Mary Ann; brothers, Eric and Christopher all of Orange; wife, Risa Jaime; daughter, Roberta; son, Richard Reese. Rosary was held at Hilgenfeld Mortuary 8/2. Mass will be held at Holy Family Cathedral 566 South Glassell, Orange CA, Friday Aug. 3 at noon. Procession immediately following to Loma Vista Memorial Park, Fullerton. He will be deeply missed.