Crazy Mom of 3

2009-05-17T18:37:00.001-07:00

Scout 9 weeks

2009-03-17T19:57:00.001-07:00

Pudelpointer Mania

2009-03-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

Ok I haven't blogged in forever but I have been insanely busy. And because I am so smart I just added a puppy to the mix. His name is Scout and he is a Pudelpointer. He is very very sweet but he is also a puppy. So the chewing is fast and furious. He also loves to cry for us when we leave. Breaks my heart. I feel like a new mom again. No sleep and having to constantly watch him when he is not in his crate. But I am hoping that the end result will be a great pet for my family and a great hunting partner for my husband and boys. Now if I could get him to understand that my shoes are not for chewing and that he doesn't need to eat the cat's food. Fun times.

Update

2008-12-01T06:39:00.000-08:00

Ok so busy lately so I will update a little.

November - Went to Las Vegas and won 10K. Awesome feeling. Came home and the area had been ravaged by fire.

I have purchased an iPod touch for Charles, a Garmin for Charles, all Christmas presents, a leather couch, a new bed, a bunch of stuff for the house, paid off our Vegas trip. I have a little bit of money left which may be for new TVs but I am not sure.

We have donated a ton of stuff to the fire victims. So far 3 large boxes worth of clothes, a sofa and love seat. In the works is a large entertainment center, television and a bed. It feels good to help people out when you know you have been so fortunate.

The biggest problem with winning the money has been other people expecting stuff. All of DH's family is expecting huge gifts. But that isn't happening. And not because we aren't able but mostly because they "expect" it. That bugs me. Plus we have never ever spent money on us. Always on the kids. So we are treating ourselves. I don't think that is too selfish. So Charles' family is going to have a big surprise when they get only a $50 gift. When we drew names for the gifts his family members were praying that we would pick their names. I drew my MIL. When I asked her what she wanted she pointed out a $200 watch in an ad from Macy's. I said "That is not $50". She gave me such a look. Charles saw and said he will buy for her so she will be mad at him and not me. She'll still be mad at me because I will be the one who "convinced" Charles not to spend lots of money on her. Oh well.

Stress

2008-11-20T09:09:00.000-08:00

OMG this economy is freaking me out. First in the news - auto makers wanting money. So what happens if they don't get the money. Lots of people lose their jobs before Christmas. Lots of people lose their homes. Yet the executives at the auto makers take this so seriously that they each take a private jet to DC to beg for money. And say DC gave them the money. How long would that money last. It is not going to make anyone buy car's. So where is the solutions. Wouldn't they just be back asking for more.

Then I hear that food banks are running out. How horrible in a country that eats so much that people that actually need the food are not going to get it. If every person in the country bought $5 worth of canned goods that could solve that problem. But I doubt that would happen.

Jobs, jobs, jobs are gone. People are having such a tough time around the holidays. It is just so sad. When will they be able to find work?

So how does this end. No jobs = no spending = no manufacturing= no sales = no jobs. How do you turn that around? Anyone have an answer.

Lots going on.

2008-11-11T15:36:00.000-08:00

Well we had a fun weekend. We went to friends 40th bday. It was so fun to be out with out the kids. First we went to this great sushi restraunt. Quiet and excellent food. Then we headed to the party at a local bar. Lots of fun, live band, and too much Crown and coke. But it was a great night.

The boys had Monday and Tuesday off and so does Emmy so it has been hard keeping them from killing each other. She really loves to push their buttons. I have been trying to get things organized and keep busy. Charles is in Houston until tomorrow night and it sure is lonely. But I have a weekend in Vegas to look forward to. I absolutely cannot wait. I am so excited.

In the mean time I meet with the pediatrician tomorrow about the boys. I have to remember to take the reports and make copies for her. I hope we get some kind of information to go on.

Poem

2008-11-08T14:35:00.000-08:00

Found this:

The Little Boy

What is it about the little boy . . .
and all his strange little ways?
What is it about the little boy
and the odd way he plays?

What is it about the little boy;
when will he start to talk?
We wonder about the little boy,
since he was very quick to walk

What is it about the little boy;
why can’t he look you in the eye?
What is it about the little boy,
so quick to scream and cry

What is it about the little boy;
he acts different in every way
What is it about the little boy;
they say it won’t go away

What is it about the little boy?
What is the cause for concern?
What it is about the little boy,
has a diagnosis we’ve learned

Now we know about the little boy
So now where do we turn?
Now we know about the little boy;
there is so much to learn

So, who will help the little boy?
Insurance says no way!
Who will help the little boy
If we cannot pay?

Who will show the little boy..
show him how to play?
Who will show the little boy
What will happen each day?

So what will help the little boy;
his mother's determination and love.
What will help her with the little boy...
grace and strength from up above

Don't know where to start

2008-11-08T11:17:00.000-08:00

Well I went on Thursday for the meeting for Anthony. Basically they had the same conclusion. High functioning autism. His social skills are a little better than Michael's in that he will play with others. But he never initiates play and he often gets stuck on a subject. He has a much much harder time finishing work in his class. One day that the pyschologist observed him he took six minutes to just write his name. He tested very high for his long term memory IQ at 133 which is the top score. And his average IQ across all 6 areas was 111 which is high average.

I have made an appointment with their ped for a consultation but I really don't knowe where we go from here. What does it all mean? Will they one day be able to live on their own? Will the get married and have children? Will they be happy? Will they be bullied relentlessly? I am just so worried. I don't know what to do.

Before we just would tell our selves that they had little quirks. Anthony likes to talk (about the same thing over and over). Michael is painfully shy, seeing how he never looks anyone new or strange in the eye. Michael so wants friends and begs for kids to come over. And then he plays by himself. I don't really get it. Anthony usually ends up playing with the kids Michael invites over.

School is beyond painful for both boys. Writing is labored and painful. The therapist says they need to start learning to type. They are very intimidated by math. They see a math page and panic. So the pyschologist says to block their work into small groups so it isn't so overwhelming.

There is so much to do. Adjust school work. Make checkoff lists for everything. Put them in lots of social situations and constantly talk them through it. Everyday is going to be an exercise in patience. I feel beyond overwhelmed. My head hurts.

Understanding

2008-11-05T20:20:00.000-08:00

Well I went for a meeting at the boys school. They had been going through extensive testing. So this was the meeting to reveal the results.

As every report passed in front of me listing all the tests, scores, and percentiles my head began to hurt. What does it all mean? Tell me the point. And then it came "Mrs. Rivera, although we cannot technically diagnose Michael, we believe he is autistic". My heart sank. I have been preparing myself and could have told you they would most likely come to that conclusion. But hearing the psychologist say it is another reality. After two hours of going through the tests and discussing his IEP we finally ended the meeting. I headed home to my boys and felt different. I know that I am not different but things around me looked different. I guess now I am seeing through the eyes of a mother with autistic children.

He is supposedly what they call a high functioning autistic. His main deficits are in understanding social pragmatics which basically means he doesn't get social cues from others. He has a hard time imagining himself in an other's shoes. He also has a problem with organization. He can't organize his thoughts or things. If you saw his desk at school it would be very evident. It looks like a bomb went off. He qualified for services from special ed resource person, speech, and occupational therapy. So unfortunately he will be pulled from class more than I would like but they promised to do as much as they can in the classroom.

My part is a bit overwhelming. I need to make checklists for everything. Morning, after school, dinner, bath time, bed time. He needs to learn how to organize things on paper and follow his lists. So he will have input into the lists. I need to create charts that help him with his emotions. Sometimes his reactions are not appropriate so we will help him figure out what reaction is good for the situation. I also need to have as many play dates with different kids as possible. When other kids are over I am supposed to play with them and help him understand what to do and when to do it. We need to engage in lots of role playing and showing him proper responses. They would also like him to have an older peer that is like a big brother. We are thinking his cousin Nicholas would be perfect for this. He is so good with Michael and really patient. He teaches him a lot of things. We will see him this weekend so Charles is going to talk to him and ask him if he wants to help. There are many more things such as diet and supplements but right now I am trying to focus on a list of my own.

It is heartbreaking. All you ever want for you child is a happy life. Filled with all the joys of childhood. Already their lives have been a struggle. Michael especially has such a difficult time making friends. He struggles in school because he cannot follow oral instructions. He is constantly being reminded that he is different. Not because people say he is but because he sees it. He sees how easy everything comes for other kids. He sees how they do their work and go on their marry way. His school experience has never been like this.

Anyway that night I decided I am going to try my best to focus on the strengths that he has. I spent some special snuggle time with him and held him close (which he loves). I told him a bit about the meeting and what his type of autism is. I explained to him how special he is and his gifts that he has for reading and remembering facts. And then I told him all the reasons I love him. His smile, the way he is always happy to see me, the way he gets excited for simple things like snuggling or going for a walk, his love of all nature even the most disgusting bugs, and for the way he makes us so happy. I told him how proud I was that he was my son and how grateful I was that God sent him to me. We hugged and talked and he told me all the things on his mind, mostly animals. And then he went to read in his room.

I know I have to be strong. I know I have to fight for him. I know I am all he has. I know this is my purpose. I know I will make his life as happy and successful as I can. I know that he will always know how much I love him and how very special he is. And I hope that at the end of this journey he is a happy person that loves himself and his life.

Halloween Pics

2008-11-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

Well we had a great Halloween. Our neighbors had a huge haunted house thing and it was so fun. All the monsters, lights, fog etc were in sync with the music. It was really fun music like "Monster Mash". The kids loved it. I just wish the boys would have chosen different costumes. They have never even seen the movies about their costumes but they just know that they are scary. I think it has something to do with the fact that Anthony got really scared one time at the mall when he saw a Freddy statue that moved at Spencer's. He was so scared that every time we went to the mall he would walk all the way on the other side. So I think it was him conquering his fear.

I always knew this.

2008-10-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Social Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

I always knew I wasn't one or the other but right on the fence. That is probably the reason why I get along with everyone :).

Things that are bugging me tonight

2008-10-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

1. Emmy looking me in the eyes and saying no.

2. Laundry that doesn't end.

3. Children not listening.

4. People that park in an area that says "No Parking". Why are they above everyone else and how can they be so lazy.

5. This election. Please be over. It is over and some people keep holding on.

6. This hot dry weather from hell.

7. The news media who alert all the pyromaniacs that it is time to start fires by saying "Red flag alert" every ten seconds. They also say things like "Perfect conditions for a fire". Isn't that basically saying to Joe Pyromaniac "Come on out and have a ball".

8. Baseball. I am tired of the whole family being ignored because of it.

9. My dirty car.

10. The golf tournament and party Charles is going to on Saturday.

Procrastination Proclamation

2008-10-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

I hate the morning craziness. Although I am used to it I still procrastinate every morning. I wake up and have my cup of coffee, check emails, watch the morning news. I could be doing other things but this is my quiet time of the day.

I am completely overwhelmed today. I need to take Michael into the doctor for an ingrown toenail. This will be completely insane because it hurts and he has sensory issues which make ordinary things like brushing his hair or teeth or clipping his nails painful. Can you imagine what an ingrown toenail is going to be like? And he is so scared that he didn't say anything for a long time so it is bad.

Emmy has a cough from some kind of respiratory thing which landed us in the urgent care on Monday. She had a breathing treatment and now is on steroids and albuterol. I don't want to keep her home because she has a lot of energy and misses school. But the weather is so dry today I am worried about her running around. I am just going to leave a note for her teacher that if she starts coughing a lot to call and I will pick her up.

I also need to grocery shop and figure out dinners for the rest of the week. I actually had a nightmare about this. Every food I cooked Anthony didn't like. I guess that is more reality than a nightmare but in my dream Charles was yelling at me saying I was a bad mother. Anyway I am very tired of tacos, spaghetti, hamburgers. Oh and I have to get to Trader Joes because I want to get these sweet potato fries my friend had and said they were wonderful. Maybe I can find some kind of meat on sale too. Who knows.

I also have 3 baskets of laundry to get done. It is all washed but sitting there staring at me, needing to be put in their home. I also need to iron for Charles. We are trying to save moola on drycleaning so I am washing and ironing his work shirts. What a pain in the ass.

OK well I am guessing I am done. OMG I just saw a report about Halloween. I need to get the boys costumes still. They always get neglected. But I hate what they want to be, Freddie Kruegar and Jason. Not fun. And they have never even seen the movies.

Election Infestation

2008-10-16T14:47:00.000-07:00

Well lately all you hear about is the financial situation or the election. It can be really stressful. So I am in the kitchen and I hear Emmy fighting with Michael. So I go in the play room and ask what is going on. Well Michael got upset because they said that Barack Obama won the debate. He doesn't like Barack Obama because Obama doesn't support the sportsman (he read an ad in his hunting magazine). So Emmy picking up on Michael's attitude starts running around saying "Barack Obama, Barack Obama" over and over. Driving Michael insane. Who knew that 8 year olds and 3 year olds would be so involved.

And the day before when the market dropped again Michael turned to me and said "Nobody has any money do they?" I said "Not right now". Maybe I should turn off CNN.

Trying not to vomit

2008-10-14T10:59:00.001-07:00

I was an idiot last night and went out for drinks with the PTA moms. Holy crap I drank way too much. I only had two margaritas but they were the size of fish bowls. So there ya go. Then I wake up and Michael is complaining about his toe (the nail fell off after he dropped a chair on it). I look at it and it is swollen and red. So I get Anthony and Emmy off to school and take Michael to the doctor. She says to to hot soaks with Epson salt to get the puss out and puts him on Antibiotics. Hopefully that works so we don't have to go back. In the mean time our insurance is all f'd up because ADP Benefits which is handling our COBRA hasn't communicated with Health Net that we have paid. So we had to pay for the doctors visit and the antibiotics. Sucks. Now if I could only feel better.

Alone

2008-10-09T06:28:00.000-07:00

Well Charles is gone on a trip for work and I am so lonely. At first I was enjoying it. One less person to clean up after and I didn't have to make a fancy dinner. But now I miss him. No one to talk to. And I miss having him next to me at night. So hopefully he will be back tonight. I don't know how military wives do this.

A sign from above

2008-10-01T05:55:00.000-07:00

Well someone upstairs has decided to but the kabosh on my garage sale. It is actually forcasted to rain here. It never rains here but on the Saturday I was planning to have my garage sale it is going to rain. So now I have to put everything I took out away somewhere. Uhhhhggggg. I also have to clean really well for Emmy's baptism this Sunday. I am so bummed. I was looking forward to getting rid of some of my crap and having cash in my hand.

2008-09-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

Tag!

WOOHOO I got tagged by Jess. Sorry Jess it took me so long I have been very busy and overwhelmed as usual.

Here are the rules:Link the person who tagged youMention the rules on your blogTell about 6 quirks of yoursTag 6 fellow bloggers of yours to do the sameLeave a comment to let them know... Now I'm being lazy so I probably won't tag anyone, but please feel free to do it if you'd like:-)

1. I have to start my day with a cup of coffee and reading the news on the internet, or the day is all messed up.

2. I have to make my bed every day or I go crazy.

3. I am addicted to Anderson Cooper 360 and Nancy Grace.

4. I love to eat raisin bran at night.

5. I am addicted to diet coke. It is the only thing that gets me through the day.

6. I used to be addicted to cigarettes for 15 years (I started smoking at 15). I have replaced that addiction with my laptop. Not as unhealthy but still takes up time.

Anxiety everywhere

2008-09-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

I cannot turn off the news. I listen to it all day long. And at night I watch Anderson Cooper. And I am left with the news that we could be heading for another great depression. I hear words like catastrophic, unreal, history making, demise etc. These words sit in my stomach. What does all this mean for me? Here I am trying to get my finances in order. Paying cash for everything. Trying to do my best. And here in California it is even worse. The budget just passed and there is even less funding for schools. What does that mean for my boys? Will they get the help they need? I have the feeling that everything is crumbling and a lot of people are going to be suffering for a long time.

Garage Sale

2008-09-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

I have been going through the house cleaning out and deciding what is good to sell and what is trash. This is a big big job. I am excited to see how much I sell and how much money we make. I am aiming for Oct. 4th but who knows. All the money will be used toward Christmas. I still really want to get the kids a dog but probably not the Goldendoodle we wanted. We'll see.

In other news the boys are hangin in. Everyday is a struggle but that is to be expected. I really feel like Anthony's teacher is just not good for him. She is really too tough on him. She never reminds him of anything and he needs constant reminders. I had to tell him 4 times this morning to brush his teeth. He has been needing to take a reading test for 3 days. So I emailed her and asked her to please remind him to take the test today and get a new book. Hopefully she will.

Emmy has a sinus infection and isn't eating well. So she is in a bad mood all the time. I took her to the doctor yesterday and she put her on amoxicillan. Hopefully she'll recover fast.

The boys have their first campout with the Indian Guides this weekend. They are so excited. This group has done wonders for the boys. It is extremely supportive of the boys. Michael has really enjoyed it. No one is mean to anyone. No one teases anyone. When one of the boys talks they all cheer and support him. Michael did such a great job at the last meeting. Charles was so surprised and happy. He said Michael stood up in front of the group with the talking stick. He introduced himself and told the group about things he likes. Then he shared the praying mantis he brought. Charles said he spoke loudly and looked at everyone. At the end everyone cheered for him. His smile was so big. He also enjoyed cheering for the other boys. This made me so proud. I gave him a million hugs and kisses when he got home. These boys never cease to surprise me.

Takin care of business.

2008-09-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

Well we have been trying to take care of our loose ends lately. Emmy is finally getting Baptised and the boys are registered for CCD. We also are reorganizing our finances. We were out of control with our credit cards. Especially me. I was always buying stuff for the kids. Stuff they didn't even ask for but I just thought they would like. Emmy has 3 sets of bedding. What child needs that? And I almost bought her another one last week but I finally came to my senses and put it back. And if I walk into the Disney store I go insane. I want to get her all the Tinker Bell and Ariel things. Half the time she isn't even interested. It is me who wants them for her. The boys have more books than the library. Every time I am at Sam's I would leave with books. And I can't tell you how many DVDs I have gotten for the kids. And they are rarely inside. I love love love shopping. It makes me so happy. But in the end it made me stressed.

So we are on a new tight budget. If we don't have the cash we don't buy it. It is going to be very hard for me. I love walking into Target and leaving with a basket of stuff. Or going to the mall and buying a pair of new shoes and makeup. So fun. But I have to remember that at the end of all of this we will have more spending money and everything we buy we will actually own without having to pay interest.

So in closing I will say that credit cards are evil evil evil. I will never carry one in my purse again. I think they should be outlawed. No more loans or credit for anyone. Including the Federal Goverment who currently owes 10 trillion dollars.

Black Cloud

2008-09-12T06:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like a black cloud is hovering over us. First my extended family is falling apart. Then my boys are struggling with school already. Anthony in particular has completely shut down when he sees a math page. As I sit with him during homework I watch him struggle to focus on each problem. He hits himself in the head and makes odd noises. If I don't help him look down at the problem he would never do it. He has a hard time answering the simplest problems like 4-1 . The school is going to do a long list of tests on both the boys. Those results won't be in for a couple of months. So in the mean time they go to school. They struggle and fail everyday. Their self esteem is being chipped away at. My heart is so heavy. I have so much information but don't know where to start. And on top of all of that I occasionally find myself saying "Why?" . I realize that it is counter productive to spend time wondering why this is happening to them. But none the less it does pop in my head. All this on my plate and constant worrying is paralyzing me. I have a hard time eating and doing things like laundry and dishes. I am going to have to force myself today to get through.

Craziness

2008-09-06T11:17:00.000-07:00

Well I don't know what is in the water around here but divorce is catching like wild fire. Last summer my brother announced that he was getting a divorce. Then a couple of months ago my BIL James told us that he was separated from his wife Dana. And last night my husband got a call from his other brother Rich who told him that he was getting a divorce from his wife Summer. I almost couldn't believe it. Sucks when people who you felt were like family are suddenly gone. I have known both these women for over 15 years. Just hope it doesn't spread to this house.

Finally

2008-09-05T08:47:00.001-07:00

I am so glad it is Friday. It has been an insanely busy week. I will still be busy all weekend but I won't have to get up at 6am. The boys are tired too. Especially because I have been making them walk to school. It really does make their legs tired because of their low muscle tone but their therapist said it would help tremendously with their figiting in class. Plus it has forced me to walk 8 extra miles.

Michael has had a great week actually. He hasn't finished everything but his attitude has been great. Anthony is of course taking a while to get in the swing. He truly hates school and that is something I really want to turn around this year. He needs an attitude adjustment but I am not quite sure how to go about it. I am just going to keep being really positive in front of him.
He did very good with his homework last night and I made a big deal about it. So hopefully that sinks in.

I also reorganized my bathroom and the kids bathroom. I love it when everything is where it is supposed to be. I wonder how long that will last. Next week I am hoping to clean out and shred a lot of our files. The cabinet is full of old bills from a long time ago. I have so much going on and to keep track of that I need a really good system.

We have also been getting our house painted this week. It is so disruptive when you have workers around all the time. Hopefully it turns out ok. I like the main color of the house but I am not sure if the trim color is what I wanted. It is so hard to decide. I hate the pressure of knowing we are paying $3200 to get the house painted and hoping it is the right color.

Well that is it. Lots of laundry to do today.

Busy Busy Busy - But happy

2008-09-03T12:37:00.001-07:00

This is the first time I have sat down since 5:45 am. So about 7 hours. I walked 2 miles this morning including walking the kids to school. Then when I got home I went to the grocery store, came back unloaded, then went to Sam's Club. After unloading Sam's I reorganized my pantry and pre packaged all the boys snacks like pretzels and cheezeits . Then I cleaned the kitchen and unloaded the dishwasher. I picked up the living room, made all the beds and threw in a load. Now I am finally sitting and drinkin a diet coke. I love getting things done. Makes me feel good. Tomorrow I have to exchange some stuff my MIL bought for the boys and then I am reorganizing the kids bathroom and our bathroom. I need a new system because too much stuff is ending up on the counter. I can't wait.

Back to school anxiety.

2008-09-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

My whole family has it except Emmy who absolutely cannot wait to get to school. My boys have been crying off and on all day. They are so sad for summer to end. I try to be positive for them but I am just as anxious as them. I don't like a couple of the kids in Michael's class. And I found out that Anthony's teacher is going on maternity leave in a month and then he will have different subs for 3 months until she comes back. That is so disruptive. There is no way he can thrive like that. I have already written his IEP coordinator and asked to have him moved.

Anyway we are going to walk to school every day. It will be good for all of us. Emmy's preschool is only a couple of blocks away from the boys school. I measured it with my car and it will be a 1 mile walk for Emmy and a 2 mile walk round trip for me. Hopefully it will get the wiggles out of all the kids.

Lots of stuff going on.

2008-08-26T18:54:00.001-07:00

We had the boys birthday party on Saturday and they had a great time. A lady came to do a show with reptiles, snakes, and large bugs. The boys loved it. They even got a new reptile of their own. So now we have two lizards in our family. We also had lots of entertainment from Charles friend John who managed to arrive drunk. He jumped in the pool with all his clothes on and then got out of the pool in just his underwear. It was the talk of the party. The kids had no clue what was going on.

Then Monday I got really brave and took all three kids to the Discovery Science Center. They did really great and we had a great day. I was so glad Emmy didn't do her normal bolting. She stayed with me the entire time. I felt so good afterwords.

Today I went to the boys school to help stuff back to school packets. Seeing all the moms made it really feel like the end of summer. Kinda sad about that but I know it is time. The boys are really worried about school and I just keep on trying to reassure them. I have already set up appointments with the school principal and pyschologist so we can get them on a good plan early.
I also registered Emmy for ballet classes. I am so excited. I registered through our city recreation department. It cost $122 for 16 weeks of classes. I think that is awesome. I went out and got her a leotard, tights and her ballet and tap shoes. I have to exchange the shoes because the were too small. But she loved trying them all on. She just kept dancing and leaping. Charles was kind of against ballet but when he saw how cute she looked he got excited. So she starts on Sept 12th. It will work out perfectly because she will go to school Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday and have Ballet/Tap on Friday mornings. I am also looking into swimming lessons at the YMCA. I am going to see if they have something on Mondays that way she is busy everyday.

The boys and Charles are joining Indian Guides through the YMCA. It will be so fun for them. They get to do fundraisers, parades and campouts. They are so excited. It will give them things to look forward to all through the school year. Plus it will give them an opportunity for good friendships.

Tomorrow I need to catch up on laundry. Piles are waiting me. Charles is meeting with a guy that wants to offer him a new job. Hopefully it will be the money he is looking for and have good benifits. I hate change but we have to take a risk to get the reward. I just hope it is all they made it up to be.

Tired

2008-08-21T11:35:00.000-07:00

I am so tired. But I have A LOT to do. I don't see a break in sight. In other news I am enrolling Emmy in dance classes. I hope she likes them but we will see. I had to decide between dance or gymastics. She is more of a gymastics girl but this class opportunity opened up and the price is right. So we will see. I also want to enroll her in swim classes at the YMCA. She loves to swim and is doing so well. I don't want her to forget everything she has learned this summer. So we will be busy busy busy this school year.

California Cocktail

2008-08-20T11:51:00.001-07:00

That's what my doc calls it. I am now taking Effexor and Welbutrin. Lets see if it works. I'll know in another month. Try try again.

Overwhelmed

2008-08-20T06:52:00.001-07:00

Well I feel completely overwhelmed. I have so much going on mentally and physically. I have been trying to get the house and yard ready for my boys birthday party this weekend. They are turning 8 and I cannot believe it. We are having around 50 people and a guy is comming to do an animal show with reptiles. The boys are so excited. I have a lot of cooking and cleaning left to do. I also need to find a place that makes a Transformer cake. I have been 3 places and no luck. Uhhhhgggg.

I have also been trying to get ready for back to school. Lots to do there. Bought most of the boys school supplies and I have to label them all because the boys have a hard time keeping track of their stuff. I have also cleaned out and reorganized all their closets so it will be easier for them to find their school clothes.

In the mean time I have been in a horrible mood. I am going to the doctor today and I am suspecting we will try another new med. I can't stand feeling like this. I am really never happy and I am almost always mad. I feel bad for the kids who get the brunt of it. So I hope this is the month where we find something new that works.

Challenge

2008-08-13T14:16:00.000-07:00

Dena asked everyone if they were up for the challange, you have to answer these questions with one word answers... Give it a try!

1. Your childhood? boring
2. Your significant other? stressed
3. Your hair? blah
4. Your mother? confused
5. Your father? wonderful
6. Your favorite thing? shopping
7. Your dream last night? weird
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? happy
10. The room you’re in? playroom
11. Your friends? busy
12. Your fear? death
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? working
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you’re not? fake
16. Muffins? blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? furniture
18. Where you grew up? Cali
19. The last thing you did? cleaned
20. What are you wishing? done
21. Your TV? loud
22. Your pets? sleeping
23. Your computer? good
24. Your life? insane
25. Your mood? blah
26. Missing someone? family
27. You need ? money
28. Something you’re not wearing? socks
29. Favorite store? every
30. Your summer? HOT
31. Loves? kids
32. Your favorite word? Shit
33. Last time you laughed? Today
34. Last time you cried? long

Nothin

2008-08-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

Nothing going on. Just hangin with the kids, cleaning out closets, and getting ready for back to school.

2008-08-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday I got the first of many e-mails from the head of the PTA asking me to help out. She wants me to help getting the back to school packets ready. Anyway it through into a panic attack. School is so difficult for my boys. It is just like torture. I hate the fact that at the age of 7 they dread everyday and get stomach pains thinking about going to school. That isn't supposed to happen until they are adults. So sad. Every parent dreams of having perfect children but you don't always get the dream. So I am resigned to the fact that another tough year is ahead and will start before I know it. A year of crying and complaining and not wanting to wake up. A year of frustration and giving up. A year of meetings to make sure that the teachers and staff pay attention to my boys and give them the help they need. I am their advocate and I am ready for battle.

Things Remembered

2008-07-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

This is what Emmy remembers from the earthquake.

http://s20.photobucket.com/albums/b243/annalisar/Summer%2008/?action=view&current=DSCF3194.flv

Random life

2008-07-31T11:37:00.000-07:00

OK so I am upstairs folding clothes and I hear Michael screaming. So I run down stairs expecting to find a bloody nose or some other injury that always elicits this kind of response out of him. I calm him down and he tells me he swallowed one of these:

So I called the doctor and the first thing she says is "what is an 8 year old doing putting toys in his mouth?" I told her that was the first question I asked him. Anyway she says that I need to check all his poop for the next week. That is going to be fun. If I haven't seen it in a week bring him in for an xray. Let hope it passes.

Me! Me!

2008-07-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Momto2boys I have been selected to share 7 things about myself.

So here's how the Me!Me! tag works:

First, share 7 facts about yourself. Next, tag 7 people at the end of your blog by leaving their name and a link to their blog.Last, let them know they're tagged by leaving a link in their blog.

Here are my 7 things:

I have always wanted to live in NYC. Preferrably in a large brooklyn brownstone like one of these.

2. I live in the city I grew up in.

3. I love love love sushi.

4. My favorite place to be is the beach. Haven't gotten there as much as I have wanted this summer so I have been bummed about that.

5. This september my husband and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary. Yay us!!!!

6. I have gotten horrible migraines since I was very little.

7. I lived in Wisconsin for 3 years and it was the best time of my life.

8. I am always overwhelmed with everything.

9. I really need to go back to work.

10. I am dreading Christmas because I can't spoil the kids like I want to.

Who I am tagging:

Becomming a New Yorker
The Life I Know....Mommyville & Beyond
Just Call Me Mommy
Hawaiian Girl
The Story of Us
My Fairy Tale
Just a Mommy Blog

Walking

2008-07-28T18:29:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to walk at night. I walk with a friend of mine and she kicks my ass. She used to be a runner and the first night we walked I almost died. Here I was thinking she just wanted to walk and chit chat and it turned out she really wanted to exercise. She walked so fast I almost died the first block. But I didn't want to look like the fat out of shape blob I am so I kept up. I had so many blisters my feet just burned. Charles said I looked like road kill when I came in. The next night she wanted to try a new route. I have no idea how far it was but as far as I was concerned too damm far. We met up at a corner and then walked from there. When we got back to that corner we parted ways. I swear as soon as she couldn't see me I started walking slow. My feet hurt so bad. I got home and just wanted to lay down and die. And the next day I was soooo sore. So every night I wait to see if she is going to call. We go at around 8:30 after our kids are in bed. One part of me is glad I am going and glad she pushes me so much. But the other part of me prays that she doesn't call.

New med

2008-07-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

O.K. well my doctor as added a new med to my collection, Seroquel. It is a mood stabilizer and helps you sleep. So far it is making me blahhhhhh. It is like I have no emotion. I am not depressed but I am not happy. It is weird. And now my monthly friend is comming so lets see if it can help me not turn into a fire breathing dragon. This new pill does help me sleep and in a way that is different than the ambien. I don't even remember falling asleep and I sleep through the whole night. It is hard to wake up not because I still feel tired but because it is hard to leave such a nice sleep. So who knows what will happen next. I go back again on the 20th and she will adjust my meds then.

My SIL is doing well and they moved her today from the ICU to a regular room. She is going to have a hard recovery and a new reality. She is quite overweight and that has been and will continue to be a hinderance to her recovery. It is very hard for her to get up and walk. Supporting all that weight after being in bed for so long is very difficult. She was only able to get to the chair and then her legs started shaking. The therapist and nutritionist visited today and said she has to lose weight in order to recover fully. So my MIL is determined not to be the enabler she has been and is going to only serve healthy low fat meals. I am a little sad and will miss our big Saturday mexican meals like Chili Rellenos and Cheese Enchiladas. But we will all be better for missing those things.

Wow

2008-07-24T21:03:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday my SIL had a 12 hour surgery to remove a brain tumor. It went so well. Better than the doctors had hoped. They weren't sure if they would be able to get all of it but they were. After the surgery she went to ICU and looked horrible. She had a breathing tube and it was very hard for the family to see.

Today I went to see her and was amazed. She was breathing on her own and conscious. She looked at me and said Hi. When Charles said he loved her, she said I love you. She has had one seizure and has a fever from the fluid build up in the spot left vacant by the tumor. But the doctors said that is to be expected. If she keeps improving like this she will be able to go home Monday. Isn't that amazing.

The doctors said she should recover well and because they were able to get it all her recovery time won't be as long as they thought. They said her personality will be different so that will be interesting to see. She used to be quite shy and had a low drive. Didn't like to get out and do things. But that was because the tumor was in the area of the brain that controls those impulses. So now she may be more outgoing and have more goals for herself. I hope she has a long happy life.

I am tired of trying

2008-07-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

I have tried so many medicines to help my anxiety and nothing has worked. It is 10pm and I have a knot in my stomach. I can't watch the news or any real life show with out it turning my stomach inside out. The worst is Nancy Grace. They always have some horrible story on there about an abused and murdered child. Drives me bonkers. Or last night I watched this show Hopkins and almost had a heart attach when a mom learned her toddler was in heart failure. I could feel her cry in every part of my body. Maybe it is just because my husband and boys are gone camping but I just cannot relax. If I didn't take Ambien I would never get any sleep.

I have a doctors appointment next week and I hate telling her that it isn't working. She always looks so disappointed. But I also cannot keep this up. She said she is considering refering me to a therapist who can evaluate me better. I guess I can do that. I am really trying to just keep going with the hope that help will come soon.

Current top worries on my mind:

My boys are in the wilderness without me- they could get lost and never found, fall in the creek and drown, get attacked by a bear or mountain lion.

School is a little over a month away-life gets so difficult during the school year and is so hard for my boys. School causes lots of stress and hard work for all of us.

There is only a little over a month of summer left (this looks the same as the other worry but it isn't- there is a lot behind this worry)- I feel like we have fallen short on giving the boys a great vacation.

my husband wants to change jobs- his current job is not giving him any challenges. I hate it when he changes jobs. This means changes of insurance, schedule etc.

my SIL is having brain surgery this week- how do I help my husband and take care of the kids- The whole week is going to be extremely stressful.

money money money- no explanation. Everything costs more lately. Everytime I drive I have anxiety.

Got My Answer

2008-07-11T21:54:00.000-07:00

Well about a week ago I called my childhood bestfriend Heather. If you read this blog http://crazymamaof3.blogspot.com/2008/04/kinda-sad.html then you know the back story. Anyway I left a message that was really happy and told her I wanted to ask her something. Well she never called back. I was really hoping that we could remove ourselves from my brother's and her aunt's drama and keep our friendship going. But I am guessing not. Very sad that a person and family that has known me for 30 years and hosted Emmy's baby shower is no longer a part of my life. Kinda don't know what to do with that.

Moments of gratefulness

2008-07-06T18:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things happen in life that just are not fair. A little boy that goes to my sons' school lost his father on the 4th of July to cancer. He had throat and tongue cancer and had never smoked or chewed tabacco. He was diagnosed a year and half ago and within the last 3 weeks deteriorated very quickly. Now this 8 year old boy does not have a father and his wife is left alone to pick up the pieces. His illness cost them a lot of money and who knows what will happen next.

I could not stop thinking about them yesterday when I got the news. How lucky am I? Although there are moments where I want to strangle Charles I also have moments where I am very grateful he is still here. I could have easily been in that woman's shoes. Left alone. And when I first heard Charles' diagnosis that is what I imagined the future would hold. But three years later he is still here and so far ok. And I am very grateful on behalf of myself and my children.

Bitch Fest

2008-07-01T14:12:00.000-07:00

Well Summer has been full of surprises.

First I worked for a long time to get ready for our big camping trip. I was so excited to go. Although I am not big on the dirt I love love love the scenery. It is so beautiful and peaceful and the moments (even though they are small) I find of serenity keep me going for a long time. Unfortunately our vacation got cut short because my SIL got sick and we found out she had a brain tumor. So we had to come home.

It has been an emotional roller coaster since then. One minute she is getting the operation, next she is not. They said the insurance needed to be approved and sent her home. She got approved for one but is still waiting for the other. In the mean time my poor MIL is my SILs shadow. She is so worried that she will have another seizure and hit her head. So she is with her, right next to her all the time.

So anyway with all this going on I got really depressed. Mostly because of selfish reasons. First I was bummed that our vacation, (my only one this summer) was cut so short. I know it was unavoidable but Iwas still bummed for me and my boys who basically held on to this trip the whole second half of the school year. It is what got them through. They were so good and understanding about comming home early but I really felt horrible. Charles is going to try to get them up there a couple more times this summer for some small fishing trips. So Emmy and I won't be going. Which sucks cuz I need to get away. I also got bummed cuz we cancelled a weekend we had planned to meet friends in Palm Springs. So another thing I don't get to do.

It is really really hard to keep 3 kids happy all summer on a tight budget and limited resources. Plus we really cannot plan anything until we know what is going on with my sister in law and when she is stable. So I am kinda stuck. I have done play dates, parks, picnics, Chuck E Cheese etc. But I just want to get away. Plus Charles isn't around as much. His company made him lay off his two merchandisers and they also layed of 3 other sales representatives. So he has been working a lot more. And when he is off he is at his moms. So I am trapped here.

So I wait out another long boring monotonous day hoping something will pop up that will excite me or give me something to look forward to. I can only hope for an end to this torture.

Crazy

2008-06-05T11:59:00.000-07:00

Life is . The end of the school year so busy it is making me insane. Two graduations for family members, our 9 day camping trip, Emmy sick and up all night, retirement parties, volunteer tea, preschool party etc etc, First grade awards assembly, first grade pizza party. I have only 6 days to be ready for our trip. I feel completely overwhelmed. I have a pounding headache from no sleep. I also have laundry staring at me and a little girl who wants me to hold her alllllll day. We get back from our trip and 5 days later we leave for Palm Springs. So I will be washing washing washing. Also I am so not looking forward to being in a bathing suit around the other mom that will be there. She is 6 ft tall and skinny. I get to put my fat ass next to hers on a lounge chair. Great time huh. On the plus side I finally found a bathing suit that fits my top so that is good. But I doubt I will take my shorts off ever. Blah Blah Blah. OK I think I am done complaining for now.

Kinda sad

2008-04-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

Well for the past few months my brother has been separated from his wife Gina. Most of the time I am ok with it but sometimes it gets me down.

Back history is that Gina is my childhood best friends (Heather) Aunt. She has known me since I was 4. My brother went through a break up at the same time as her and me and my friend Heather thought we should fix them up. It seemed to work out. But 21 years later they decided to end it.

It is a really weird situation for me. I am attached to her and her family in a way that is different than other SIL relationships. I spent many weekends with her sister Julie and my friend Heather. We all went on vacations together and she helped teach me to drive. All before my brother was even in the picture. Later in life Gina and Heather hosted my Engagement party, bridal shower, and both of my baby showers. Such a huge part of my life and my past.

Now it is so awkward. Heather's mom Julie is hell bent on making sure my brother pays. She went though a horrible divorce when Heather was young and she is re-living it through Gina. I haven't called Heather because although I would hope our friendship could survive this I also know how close Heather, Gina and Julie are. I know that Heather and my brother have had issues because he feels she is too much in their business. I am afraid if I call her it will look like a betrayal of my brother. Gina's support team is so strong and my brother is pretty alone other than me.

So until I find the courage to call her it will fester. And I will be sad that two families that have been so close for 30 years are now separated.

Hamster wheel of life

2008-04-02T06:44:00.000-07:00

Well last weekend we went to Fresno to visit Charles best friend John and hang at his house. It was fun and I was super organized and even left the house all clean and the kids clothes ready for the next week.

Well this week I feel like I can never get caught up. I am running running running all day long with interuptions from the kids and at the end of the day all the things I wanted to finish are staring at me.

We are going camping with friends this weekend and I have to clean out the trailer. It is hideous inside. A vent was left open the last time we had strong winds and it is full of dust. So I get to spend my only morning without all 3 kids cleaning it out.

Meanwhile the laundry is piling up and I have to keep up because we will be gone again all weekend. Add in the dishes and the fact that Emmy decide to empty out her toybox and it is impossible to get it all done. Ahhhhhh.

Well small goals. Clean out the trailer. Wash 3 loads. Wash dishes. Make grocery lists for trip. Make packing lists for trip. Thats all I can hope for today.

Party time.

2008-03-24T10:31:00.001-07:00

Emmy had a wonderful time at her party. There were lots of cousins to play with and she would never leave the bounce house. She was very well behaved and I was so proud. Everyone loved the food and enjoyed themselves. So the work was all worth it. Here is link to more pics if anyone is interested.

http://s20.photobucket.com/albums/b243/annalisar/Emmys%203rd%20bday/?action=view¤t=207aaf6a.pbw

My baby is 3

2008-03-20T11:31:00.000-07:00

My baby is 3 today. I am kinda sad. She has grown up so fast. She acts like she is so old. She can drive me so crazy but I love her so much. She is always right next to me, like a shadow. She gives the best hugs and kisses and loves to take care of me. I am so blessed to have such a happy, healthy, and engergetic little girl. Happy Birthday Baby!

Panic Panic Panic

2008-03-20T06:06:00.001-07:00

It is getting close and I am still sick and have soooooo much to do. This morning I have to get everyone up and dressed, boys to school, Emmy has a drs. appt at 8, Then preschool for her party. Then I head to the boys school for an hour to help, then to Sams to make a dent in my list. Then pick up Emmy, lunch, dishes, pick up boys. Homework, dinner, clean if I have time. Baths. etc etc. I will have to do most of the work at night which sucks cuz I am so tired at the end of the day.

Pure Torture

2008-03-14T17:06:00.000-07:00

I am so sick that dying actually looks appealing. I know that sounds horrible. But I swear there are moments that I am so uncomfortable and so tired that permanent sleep sounds nice. I have this horrible sinus thing and my head feels like it is going to explode. I swear, I wish I could poke a needle in it to releave the pressure. To top it off for the past week I have barely slept. I have been up every hour peeing. So I look up side effects of the Paxil I am on and it says frequent urination and insomnia. So finally I took my paxil in the morning and last night I finally slept almost all night. I woke up at 3 when Charles was up getting ready to leave. Oh I forgot to mention that Charles is gone tonight on a business trip. So I am alone with three kids.

I am getting by the best I can. The sink is full of dishes (dishwasher broken). The hampers are overflowing. The playroom looks like a tornado blew threw. I am making the easiest dinner I can, hot dogs and apple slices. I haven't eating in 3 days but may try some soup tonight. My stomach is freaking out because of all the meds I am taking without food. I have actually gone out with out drying my hair and with out makeup or earing. This is rare for me. But I honestly do not care.

In the mean time to be nice my MIL and SIL came over and picked up Emmy for the morning to give me a break. They walk in and Emmy runs and gets her new top she is wearing for her Tinkerbell Bday party next weekend. She just loves it. It has a green camisol with Tink on it and a purple and lavender flower overlay that is a little shear. Originally I was going to get her a Tinkerbell costume but decided against it because we are getting a bounce house. So I figured this would be better and easier to get crazy in. Anyway here is a pic.

So do you know what my MIL says to me. "Oh you decided to dress her like a flousey." WTF. There is no way that this is a flousey type of shirt. It has tinkerbell on the front and pretty delicate flowers. My jaw dropped. This woman is so unappreciative. Our little party of close family and friends has expanded to 50+ people because "she" wanted a big party. So we are shelling out 600 bucks to make her happy. And she has the nerve to critizize Emmy's new shirt when she could clearly see how happy Emmy was and how much Emmy loved it. Ahhhhhh.

So anyway tonight I am going to try to survive and hopefully get some more rest so I can work on this house. I only have one week left and I am in freak out mode.

Done

2008-03-12T11:28:00.000-07:00

I am so tired of sickness. I swear I have been sick for two months. Charles has had a cough for like 6 months. And some crazy ass fever has run through our kids with Anthony getting strep throat. I have a bazillion things to do to get this house ready for Emmy's bday party. And I wake up achy with a fever and total sinus congestion. WTF. Haven't I had my share of sickness already? Then as I am lying in bed this morning the phone rings. It is Charles saying he's got the fever. So this basically means that I am SOL when it comes to help with the kids tonight.

And I want to strangle my MIL. She wanted Emmy to have a big party. Well we didn't but now through her grapevine we have 60 people comming. That is 60 people to feed and 15 goody bags for the little kids. Big kids are SOL. I am really trying to focus on what will make Emmy happy cuz she is the only guest that matters. But I get all these special requests from my MIL for food etc. So I told her to bring it. I think she was pissed but oh well. Then I have to hear crap from my mother who says "Why do you listen to her and not to me?" Ok I really have time to deal with her jealousy over nothing.

Anyway I have decided that instead of spending 600 bucks on her party, next year we are taking Emmy somewhere like Disneyland.

I don't do this often

2008-02-23T07:13:00.000-08:00

Well I just haven't felt like blogging lately. Mostly cuz I have been sick or busy or busy and sick. I am very tired of being sick. I just have too much to do and can't be like this. Plus this is Charles' busiest time of year so even when he is home he is on the computer crunching sales number and drawing up regional buys. So he is no help, plus he expects me to keep the kids away from him which is so hard cuz they all miss him.

Emmy has been so insane lately I honestly have to gather all my strength to get up. I dread each day. She tests me every minute. First she has to do everything herself. So even getting dressed is an ordeal. If she puts it on wrong she freaks out. If I try to help her she freaks out. This is especially frustrating when I have no time and I am trying to get everyone off to school. She seems to really reaching for attention. I think it is because I have been so busy or sick plus her daddy hasn't been home much. She dumped a bottle of nail polish on herself and my dining room chair (thank god I had a cover on the seat). She through a cup of coins all over the living room. She dumped my silk flowers all over the living room. I make her pick it all up but it usually is a battle and involves a time out. So I am thinking other than my laundry I am going to just spend some time with her this weekend.

Well here are some newer pics from the last month or so. I don't think anyone looks at my blog but I'll post them anyway.

Weird feelings

2007-12-30T21:35:00.000-08:00

Ok I haven't blogged in a long long time. But I have been crazy busy and very overwhelmed. Anyway lots has happened but nothing too spectacular that I feel like typing it down. Anyway, it isn't like lots or anyone reads this.

Ok so I don't know if it is all the drinks I have had tonight but I have baby fever. OMG so many people I know have had babies recently. I absolutely know that I cannot handle, nor do I have room for another. But all these sweet little faces are making me nostalgic. I mean they smell so good and they don't talk back. And they are so simple when they are young. I think it is the fact that I will never ever do that again. That is what gets me. I know I can't do another baby but I don't like it. And I can't go back. I wish I could have more moments with them. I was so busy with the boys and sleep deprived, I honestly don't remember much. And I wish I could just have a moment to look at them, and take it into my heart. They grew up so fast. I will never get that back. Gosh before I know it some hoochi is going to steal them from me. I don't know if I can bear that.

And Emmy has grown up sooooo fast. I mean in 2 1/2 years she has come so far. She is so independant and wants to do everything herself, and I just want her to be my baby forever. But she is almost 3, getting her own drinks, doin the potty thing on her own, picks out her clothes and shoes. It is insane.

If only I could win the lottery. Then I could pop babies out and play with them all day. My chef would make all the meals and my two housekeepers would do all the cleaning and laundry. But alas, I have not won the lottery and I don't have the time needed for another. So I sit here, drinking too much vodka, looking at all the adorable babies, and feeling a little sad that I will never do that again. I know I am weird.

I will just try to remind myself what I have to look forward to. I am very excited for the summer time. We already booked our first camping trip and got an awesome spot on the creek. This year, even though she was partially trained last year, Emmy will be fully potty trained. She will be able to do more and so will mommy. We won't be tied so much to the trailer. We will be able to go on longer walks and have lot of fun by the campfire. We are also planning a trip at the end of the summer to visit my Mom's family in Canada. The boys love love love it there. My Aunt has an awesome house on 3 acres. The boys are out in the yard all day. Then we travel up to northern Quebec and go to there cabin on a lake. They are one of a handful of people on this lake and it is sooooo peaceful. We have bonfires at night and card games. The kids roast marshmellows, hunt for frogs and snakes and hang out on the paddle boats. My cousin Malcolm has kids all around my kids ages so they will have a blast. My Aunt always babysits so Charles and I can enjoy the nightlife of Ottawa. It is sooooo fun.

All of this would be much more difficult with a newborn and not nearly as much fun. I will keep telling myselft this, until this feeling passes. And remind myself that the newborn time of my life is gone, but I have other things to look forward to.

not around much

2007-11-29T21:34:00.000-08:00

I have been busy and just not blogging lately. Charles is doing ok and has been working on projects around the house. He has a doctors appt with a pulmonary specialist next week. So we are in limbo.

We put new laminate flooring in the boys room and painted. Now Charles is just finishing up the touches of moulding and outlets etc. There room is going to be an outdoors cabin kinda of theme. We have some hunting and fishing signs and are hoping to get some antlers. A friend of ours just brought over some beautiful pheasant feathers he got when hunting up north. So I have to figure out how to incorporate them. When it is all done I'll post pics.

Christmas is comming and I am overwhelmed and stressed. I really want to enjoy the holidays but I always get bogged down in all the work. I host both sides of the family on two consecutive days so it is exhausting. I wait for Christmas day when I don't have to do anything. I still have quite a bit of shopping to do but my heart isn't in it. There is sooooo much I want to get the kids but Charles put me on a budget so it isn't fun. Hopefully we will get the boys room finished and the house decorated this weekend. I pray.

The boys did great for their first quarter report cards. The areas they have issues with we already know. I am getting a bit frustrated with Anthony's teacher. She keeps sending home the papers he isn't finishing in class. So everyday he has homework and schoolwork to finish. He works for about 2 1/2 hours. It is ridiculous. We have a meeting with everyone on the 18th and I am going to bring it up. He should be encouraged to finish in class and if he doesn't he has to finish during recess. She just sends it all home and it is tooo much. I might as well homeschool him. It is friggin amazing how much work there is in 1st grade. I feel so bad for them because it doesn't come easy for them. Whatever is wrong with them neurologically, it makes it difficult to focus and organize. So even though they test high their output is low. Along with poor motorskills which affect their writing. It is painful to watch them. They work so hard all day. It is sad to see a 7 year old work so hard. They should be playing. Anyway thats life.

So that is where we are. Stressed, overwhelmed, freaked, anxious, busy, all wrapped up.

Trying not to freak

2007-11-12T14:13:00.000-08:00

Charles has been coughing now for over a month. It is a horrible cough. He has passed out 3 times from not getting enough air during an attack. He has been to the doctors at least 6 times. Because of his history of cancer the doc did a chest xray early and blood work. Everything came back clean. But that was over a month ago. The doc has prescribed at least 8 different meds and nothing has worked. So last week the doc sent him in for a cat scan and he goes in today for the results. Actually he is there right now in the room (he just texted me). I am so nervous. I am sick to my stomach and tears are looming. I have such a bad feeling and I am so afraid of the news. I know I have to be strong. I have 3 kids and I can't show fear or they will be afraid. But I have no where to let this out so here I am. All I want is for him to call and say that it is something easily curable. I am really trying to focus on the positive. All his other tests came back good and clean. So if it is something maybe it is early and we can take care of it. I just want to scream for help and I feel so desparate. I really don't know what to do. I think I will just go play with Emmy and wait for the call. I am so scared I can hardly breath.

***UPDATE****

Well the ct report said there were some lymphnodes that were larger than normal in his chest. But it is most likely a reaction to the radiation he had when he first had cancer. So this doc is now sending him to a pulmanary specialist to be sure. As far as his cough, his lungs look clear so it is being caused by a very bad nasal drip that is some kind of allergy. So now the doc sent home new meds. I am so done with this. It is like we get answers and also get new questions. So now he needs to make a new appt with the pulmanary guy. I feel like I will never get a good nights sleep.

Its my party and I'll cry if I want too

2007-11-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

Well my 34th birthday is tomorrow. Yuck. I am getting so old and I don't feel like it. But there are constant reminders. Three kids for one thing. Plus the millions of grey hairs that seem to pop into existance by the minute. Then I was reading on my cousins page and it said this:

do not add me if you...
are over 30
are a pervert
are a wierdo
are a stalker
are obsessive
want to steal my pics
met me at my work (unless your a regular :] )
are looking for dates

Since when is being over 30 in the same group as perverts, weirdos, and stalkers. Jeesh. The worst is when I walk by the mirror or look at a picture and don't recognize myself. In my mind I look one way and when I see the reality it is horrifying. And I find myself feeling really bad for old people. They must feel so left behind, trapped in an old body. And people are so mean to old people too. Sucks. I saw this car accident and the car had hit a pole. On the hill next the car sat an old man with his head in his hands. I felt so bad for him.

Anyway its my birthday and I am old and that is the end. So happy bday too me.

Wind, fire, smoke, yuck

2007-10-24T06:26:00.000-07:00

Well it has been an interesting time the past few days. These fires are beyond comprehension. Starts out as one and explodes. Hardest hit was San Diego County where 1300 homes have been lost and 500,000 are still evacuated. CRAZY. I am lucky. My brothers home was surrounded by fire Monday night and came out ok. The only affects we have had are from the wind which blasted everything outside and covered everything with dirt and ash. I also have 3 kids who are stir crazy because they can't go outside due to air quality. Hopefully that will change soon. Anyway here are a few pics. Some I took and some I just thought represented the craziness well.

Here is my niece (heart necklace)before homecomming on Saturday night. Now those hills behind her are all burnt.

This is the view from Lake Mission Viejo of the Santiago fire near my brothers house.

This shows how the winds blow the fire. The smoke is almost flat.

Our pool. Yuck.

My favorite bush :(

Out front, smokey air.

Time flys.

2007-10-17T06:23:00.000-07:00

In two and a half short years we went from this:

To this:

Where did my baby go? Wahhhhhhh wahhhhhhhh. I miss her. :(

Why?

2007-10-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

Why do people do things like this? Saturday I am visiting with family and we get on the subject of Disneyland. I tell my SIL (who has taken her son 6 times and he is 18months old) that we really want to go but the $500+ it would cost is not in the budget right now. OK so 3 days later we get this pic.

Yes it is cute. But really. I mean really. It is just toooooo coincidental. Maybe the idea sparked after our convo. I am sure in one way it did. But to call and tell us to check out your pics when you know that I would love to take my family is rude. At least that is how I feel. I mean if you said hey I wish I could go to Hawaii and I left the next week and sent you pics wouldn't you think that was rude. Your kids are 2 weeks and 18 months. What is really the purpose of taking them to Disneyland. Really? Plus is a 2 week old supposed to be in such a public place during cold and flu season? I don't think so. Is it fun rubbing it in others faces.

Yes I am jealous. I wish we could afford to go. But the think is they can't afford to go either. They just charge it. So why brag?

Not gone, Just busy

2007-10-16T06:05:00.000-07:00

Well, things have been really crazy lately so I'll post a little update.

Charles has been sick with this horrible cough for 2 1/2 weeks now. It has been quite stressful. In the beginning I was quite worried that it was his lymphoma comming back. His doc was a bit worried too so they sent him in for chest xrays. Well after too long a wait we found out his chest was clear thank goodness. It was a relief but he still has that cough and the doc isn't doing much. He goes back in on Wed bcuz they are also doing a physical so hopefully Charles will speak up and get new meds.

In the mean time the boys and school have been keeping me pretty busy. They just cannot finish their work in class on time. I don't get it. I really don't know what else to do. If you promise them something they finish it in no time. Other wise it takes them forever. Michael has been having a harder time with this than Anthony. It will take him 40 minutes to do his spelling test. But when his teacher found a grasshopper and told him he could keep it on his desk for the day if he finished his spelling test quickly, he fininshed in 5 minutes. When are they just going to get there stuff done so we don't have to go through this anymore? When are they going to understand that the quicker they do the work, the quicker they get to play? I don't know. They are also having a hard time finishing their math. Yes 30 math problems on a page don't look appealing but just finish. It isn't that they can't do it. We have math races all the time and they blurt out the answer quickly. I don't know why they just wont do it. It is soooooo frustrating. Anthony is getting it a bit better than Michael. He finished his homework in 20 minutes last night. Michael however, took and hour and a half. He mostly turned around in the chair and read things on the desk. I finally had to make sure that nothing was on the desk and he was standing and then he started working a bit better. So frustrating. I am so tired from trying so hard to get them to do their work. I really don't know what else to do. We have promised trips, and treats, and movies. But at the end of the day I walk up and see that look on their teachers face. FRUSTRATING.

In other news. Emmy wanted to be a monkey and so we went to the costume store. Couldn't find a monkey but she wanted this:

She thinks it is DeeDee Doodlebop but it is really Stephanie from Lazy town. I have never heard of her but anyway Emmy is happy thinking she is a Doodlebop. I ordered a monkey online and Charles is going to kill me. But I just want her to be what she really wants kwim. Besides this can go in her dress up box anyway.

Mixed emotions.

2007-10-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

Well I got the text this morning that my BIL and SIL were at the hospital in labor. I am truely excited for them and their new additon. But I also have mixed emotions.

I feel a bit sad because I will never do that again, especially after everything I went through and knowing that I truely don't want another. But I will miss the new baby excitement. I don't know if that makes sense.

I also am prepared for the fact that we will lose babysitters. My MIL is our primary babysitter. She drops everything when my BIL calls and will babysit my other nephew at a moments notice. I have a lot of resentment because she openly favors my BIL and his son. She ignored Emmy for the first year of her life because Emmy would cry when she held her. So anyway when their first son was born he had an awesome disposition and won her over in a split second.

She is prepared to do everything she can to help them out because she is worried they can't handle two kids so close (17 months) apart. They had marriage issues about 2 years ago and my MIL thinks she needs to save them. But when I was pregnant with Emmy, Charles had cancer and we moved and I did it all by myself. She never helped. After Emmy was born Charles took one day off and I was on my own. No one worried about me. Now don't get me wrong. I get that she didn't think I needed help but it still annoys me. Mostly because we never get out except maybe once every couple months and my BIL and SIL will drop their kids off whenever and head to a game or dinner. Annoying. On the other hand my SIL does pay the price with having them in her house and business alllll the time. My MIL is heading over there after work to clean it for them so the baby comes home to a clean house. She won't leave until asked and because BIL is such a mamas boy he won't. Last time she stayed at their house 3 days until finally my SIL had a breakdown. So I guess I need to focus on that.

And I also need to focus on a new baby and new cousin for the kids. I do love it when our family gets bigger. End of rant. I feel a little better. At least until she does something to piss me off.

Why don't men listen?

2007-09-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

So I am having a hormonal day. I was supposed to go and get a mani and pedi and I couldn't find my gift certificate. So because I am irrational I take it as a sign that I am not supposed to go. Yes I could have just gone and paid but that wasn't the point. So I sit around bummed all morning doing laundry and feeling like crap. I really wanted to go and feel a little pretty since I haven't felt pretty in a long time. Charles is home doing work on the puter and he is just not getting why I am not just going. I try to explain it to him but because he is a man he just says go and pay or snap out of it. Then as he is leaving to go to his home office he says "I am going into home office where all the hotties are ha ha". Uhm jerk. I said "Why would you say that when you know I am feeling like crap?" And he says "Cuz it is funny". Then he leaves mad. WTF was he thinking?

Update.

2007-09-24T13:03:00.000-07:00

Well last tuesday it began and it really hasn't ended. The worst was Tues, Wed and Thurs. But it is still happening just not as much pain. So I called my doc and I have to go in to do blood work tomorrow and an ultrasound on wednesday to make sure everything has passed. I really want this to be all over so I can move on. I have meetings scheduled at the boys school and I am supposed to be helping out in their classes. So I just want to do what I need to do. Probably not this week but hopefully next.

As soon as I started feeling semi good I was up and working. It is so hard to be a mom and not be 100%. Dishes were piling up, laundry was insane and the playroom was a disaster. So Saturday Charles took the kids to a birthday party and I got to work and threw out 6 bags of old toys and crap from the playroom. It felt sooooo good. Then Sunday I did 5 loads of laundry and made homemade fish and chips with coleslaw for my parents. It was exhausting but felt good too.
Here are some pics from the party. Emmy had a great time and loved having her face painted.

Ready to go. I got the present and my backpack.

Bounce house fun.

Swings
I want to be a princess

9/11

2007-09-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

I can still remember that day as clear as yesterday. I was sitting on the rug in the living room playing with my one year old twins and watching GMA. All of a sudden they announced a fire in one of the twin towers. I called my dad (a native New Yorker) and told him to turn on the TV. As we watched and reminised about our last trip to the World Trade Center and how scared those people were, I saw a plane fly in and an explosion. I said to my dad, "Wow that observation plane just crashed into the other building, what a horrible accident on top of the fire". My dad said, "Annalisa that was no accident, we are under attack". I will never forget the fear that came over me. I will never forget holding my boys so close. As the morning events unfolded I became more panicked. When would it end? What would be next? I called Charles and he said he had been sitting in traffic stunned. He decided to come home early that day and we just sat together as a family and cried. It was horrible. I will never forget that day or all those people who lost their lives. That morning will live on with me forever.

Once your a mom.

2007-09-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

It has been very strange with this whole miscarriage thing going on. I feel like I live two different lives. I am cleaning up, doing laundry, making meals, packing lunches, laying out clothes, cleaning up paint etc. All the while I am waiting for this miscarriage to start. Sometimes for a brief moment I almost forget. Until I go to the bathroom and see a bit of red. Then I am reminded of the life that ended inside of me. But I have to be a mom to my children that are here first. I want to curl up in my bed and wait it out. I can't. Little people need me. Maybe thats good. I am just so tired.

Roller coaster ride.

2007-09-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

Well I am back from the hospital and found out that there is no heartbeat. I saw the little baby but they couldn't find a heartbeat. So now I just have to wait to hear from the doctor.

I feel sad. I feel exhausted. I just want it over. But I don't know how long this is going to take. The cramping and bleeding have increased but not like it is during the middle of a miscarriage. So only time will tell. Charles is bummed but being supportive too, well as supportive as you can be from a sales meeting. I am very glad we didn't tell anyone. I really would not have enjoyed all that drama and then having to tell them the baby passed away. That would be insane.

So I just sit here, cramping, with a dirty house and 4 loads of laundry, waiting until 2 to pick up my boys. Life ends and life goes on.

Did I say that I hate HMOs.

2007-09-06T17:16:00.000-07:00

OMG I had the most horrible day running around because of my stupid HMO. I had a drs appt at 9:15. When I left she gave me a referral to my OB and wanted me in ASAP because of the spotting. So I call the dr who cannot get me until next tuesday at the earliest. So I let my primary know. Then I get a call that they want me to come back and pick up some lab orders that I can get done in the mean time. So I go back after the boys are out of school and they also give me a prescription of progesterone and a referral for an ultrasound at the hospital. They tell me to call the hospitals radiology dept and request an early appt. My primary tells me if they do not get me in by tomorrow to call the OB and find out what they want me to do. So I do this to which I find out I cannot get in any early than next thursday. I call the OB and they say that my primary is responsible since they ordered it and they should call the hospital themselves because they could get me in. So I call my primary who is now pissed because the OB supposedly is the one who told them to order it. So she tells me to look on the back of the referrel and there is a list of about 20 radiology depts. She says to call each one until I get an appt tomorrow. WTF I do not have time to do that. But I go ahead. After the third call I say forget it. I call my primary and tell them I do not have time to call all these places. I have 3 kids home and I am busy. They put me on hold and come back 2 minutes later telling me they got me an appt at the hospital tomorrow at 9. Why couldn't they just do that in the first place. Ahhhhhh. Now I have a splitting headache and 3 kids with boundless energy. Charles is at a company BBQ and I am on my own. The thought of bed is all that is keeping me going.

I don't think they will tell me anything tomorrow but I will try to get a peak. When radiologists do the exam they never tell you anything. They just send the pics to the doc. So wish me luck. I kinda know what should be there and what it should look like so we will see.

Red Tape

2007-09-05T09:17:00.001-07:00

Well I have been corresponding back and forth with the principal at Anthony's school. I have a meeting at 11 today so we will see. I am having a hard time gettting her to budge but hopefully that will change today.

Here are the emails we have sent back and forth. Any suggestions are taken.

Dear Mrs. Silverman,

My name is Annalisa Rivera. I am the mother of Anthony and Michael Rivera. We have met a few times last year to discuss their special needs in Kindergarten. I went today to see where they were placed and I was quite disappointed in the choice of first grade teacher for Anthony.

At the end of last year I had been assured by you, and Mrs. Catalano that he would be placed with a teacher that could handle him and his issues. According to most parents that I have spoken to the best choice for my boys would have been Foster or Bartells. Michael did get placed in Foster but Anthony was placed with Pla. I don't know much about Bartells or Pla but from what I have heard Pla is very laid back and not has outgoing as Bartells. Bartells has a reputation among the parents for taking kids with issues and helping them turn around.

One of Anthony's issues is that he needs to be engaged and brought out in the class or he will be lost in another world. He has a difficult time concentrating and staying on task. He can also have quite a temper and gets discouraged easily when things get difficult. If what other parents have told me is true, Pla is not the teacher that would be best suited for these kinds of problems.

The other concern I have is that there are two children in that class that Anthony had serious issues with last year. One is Julian who threatened to kill his brother and tormented Anthony for quite a while with bad language. And the other is Edmund who he also had a couple of problems with. He has a hard enough time concentrating with out worrying about these other distractions.

Another reason I had wanted him placed with Bartells or Foster was experience. I have heard that they both have a lot of experience. Both Hammans and Catalano have told me that they have never had children like mine in their classes before. Their set of problems are very unique. Maybe someone like Bartells who has had many years of experience would have dealt with someone like Anthony before.

The last reason I would like Anthony moved is because I was hoping he would be with Ryan Martinez. I know it is not a critical issue but I have good reasons for why I had wanted them together. Anthony has a very hard time making friends. He is lacking social skills when it comes to knowing how to engage others. Ryan is very social and a good student. These are both areas that Anthony is deficient in. When he is with Ryan it makes him more confident and he learns a lot of positive attributes. Ryan is the main reason Anthony wanted to be in AR. Anthony is also very nervous and worried about school. Knowing he will see Ryan everyday would give him a reason to be excited about school.

I know that parents are not supposed to request placement and I know that nothing is guaranteed. But my boys education is extremely important to me. I have to stand up for them and be their advocate. If I think something can be made better for one of them it is my duty to speak up. So that is what I am doing. I know you must remember me and how important my boys are to me. I don't think many other parents break out into tears during meetings like I did.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to place all the children with special concerns. I really appreciate your time in considering this matter. I hope to hear your decision soon.

Sincerely,

Annalisa Rivera

Her response

Mrs. Rivera,

Thank you for your letter of request. You are a very caring and supportive parent! I know that last year we spoke about placing the boys carefully to assure that they would have their needs met. I did not and cannot promise any particular teacher as we need to balance classes and make sure every teacher has a teachable group of students. As you know my teachers team and meet together on a regular basis as well as teach to the standards for their grade level. I have great confidence in all of the teachers on the 1st grade team.

Parents always have opinions about teachers based on their experiences and child. Sometimes information in the community is not always accurate and sometimes parents don't know the entire story. I do not recommend that you use that information as a basis for requesting a teacher as one parent or student could have a fantastic experience and another may not depending on their personal situation. There may be many success stories that you are not aware of.

It is my professional opinion that the boys are placed with teachers who have high expectations, teach to the standards, and can be understanding and patient enough to meet the boys needs. All of the teachers in 1st grade are highly experienced with 10 years or more in teaching. As a matter of fact Mrs. Foster is one with a shorter experience since she came into teaching later in life. I did the same thing.

I am happy to sit down with you and discuss at length what the needs of the boys are and invite the teacher so we can make sure to move forward in a positive way. Let's make an appointment to meet in the next couple of days.

I have change of class forms in the office and we can go over in more detail your concerns.

Respectfully,
Debbie Silverman

My response:

Mrs. Silverman,

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my letter and respond. I know this is an extremely busy time for you.

In regard to the teacher situation the only reason I was confident in the community information is because it came from multiple parents and Mrs. Catalano. I would never take the opinion of one parent as fact but multiple sources tend to lend themselves to the truth.

Anthony loved Mrs. Pla and had a great first day. He actually said he loved 1st grade which is terrific because they spent most of the summer dreading it. I did notice a few things that I would love to address in a meeting. Mrs. Pla was not aware of any of Anthony's issues and made a comment to me as we were leaving that he was having a problem with his writing. So I would love for her to have time to read his file and familiarize herself with Anthony's special needs. She also was very soft spoken. Maybe this will be fine but Anthony tends to drift off and I fear he will not pay attention. I am not sure if Mrs. Foster has read Michael's file either, and that may be helpful also.

I am committed to my boys and their education. I would be remiss as a parent if I didn't try to get the best teacher for my child. I will work with them everyday and I am committed to a year of hard work. I just felt that a better teacher option could have been chosen. I really need teachers that are up for the challenge my boys offer and are prepared to work hand in hand with me to help them succeed.

I know my boys have tremendous potential. If we can find a way to overcome their challenges they would be spectacular students. I have appointments on Thursday but I am available on Friday. I am not sure if the whole team has to be present or not. Either way I would love to meet with you and the teachers.

Sincerely,

Annalisa Rivera
Her response;

Annalisa,

I commend you again for being such a committed parent. I will make time to meet with you on Friday according to your schedule. I noticed when I visited yesterday that both the boys seemed very happy and engaged in class. You are right ...teachers have not been fully informed so we will definately go over the files with both of them. I look forward to meeting with you.

Debbie

Ironic

2007-09-04T16:42:00.000-07:00

I finally was able to make a drs appt today. I got in on thursday at 9:15. Now it is 4:45 in the afternoon and I am spotting and have lower back pain. It seems when I try to accept this pregnancy and can actually imagine it something takes that away from me. I am going to try to rest, not easy with 3 kids around, and I will post in the morning. For anyone who doesn't know I had 3 consecutive miscarriages before I had Emmy. That is why it takes me such a long time to become attached to a pregnancy. Anyway, wish me luck. Lets see what fate has in store for me. Maybe a big lesson.

Good days, Bad days.

2007-09-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

That's life right. I have days where I feel pretty OK and only a little tired. Then there are the days where I feel like I am stuck to the couch and the thought of food makes me sick. Some mornings I wake up and forget that I am pregnant. Then I have this huge reality check.

In the back of my mind the chance of miscarriage is always looming so it is making it very hard for me to connect with this pregnancy, as if it wouldn't be hard anyway. So I wait until Tuesday when I can finally call and make an appt with my primary care physician and get the ball rolling. Did I mention that I hate hate hate HMOs. Ok.

It is also weird walking around with this huge secret. Every time we are with family I feel like a big liar. But I also want to wait til I know everything is fine. Why make everyone upset for no reason. We have only told one person in real life (All my online friends know and have been a lifesaver). Charles told his best friend John. I asked him what his reaction was and he said that John just said "Your fucking crazy". I am sure this will be the standard response.

So life goes on. Boys start first grade this year and there is already drama. Anthony was supposed to get a specific teacher and he didn't. I was livid. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. With all his problems he needs this teacher. The principle assured me and so did his kindergarten teacher. The teacher he was supposed to get has about 25 years of experience. She has the reputation for dealing with problem kids and turning them around. The teacher Anthony got has a reputation for being very quiet and laid back. Anthony will get lost in the shuffle in that class. He needs a strong aggressive positive teacher. Also in the class they put him in there are two boys who picked on him last year. One boy even threatened to kill his brother. It was a huge deal the kid got in huge trouble along with his parents having to come in etc etc. So who needs all that drama when you have a hard time paying attention anyway. Also his best friend Ryan is in the other class. This boy is in the top of the class. Very smart, very social, a great role model and mentor for Anthony. He really brings out the best in him. I was told by his kindergarten teacher that they would be put together. So I tried to find the principle and couldn't so I sent an e-mail and will look for her Tuesday morning. Supposedly there are no class changes for two weeks. We'll see. I don't know what kind of response I will get or if she will change anything, but I will be there everyday. And if this teacher is not helping Anthony everyone will know.

Emmy starts school on Tuesday too. She is beyond excited. Everyday she talks about going to school, lots of friends, painting, big slide etc. She asks everyday. I don't think she will want to come home after only 3 hours. It will be interesting.

So that is my life right now. Lots of firsts, lots of new. I am looking forward to next week and dreading it at the same time. Should be busy at least so it will go fast.

Hot as hell.

2007-09-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

I hate hot. I hate humidity. And it is both here. Yesterday at 5pm when I went to a back to school bbq it was 109. CRAZY. And it is supposed to stay hot all week. Fun. Yesterday we had a power alert and they turned off my AC. Ass wipes. Well thank goodness I have a pool. We just hung out there til it came back on.

The lack of seasons is one of the things I hate about Cali. Everyone else goes back to school and the weather starts cooling but not here. It doesn't cool until around Christmas. And even then it is a crap shoot. We have had Christmas days that reach the mid 80s. It really doesn't start getting cool until January and it continues until mid May. Then the warm up starts. And by cool I mean low 70s during the day and 50s at night. Not exactly the artic freeze. Occasionally we get an off week where we will have freezing temps at night. My kids love this bcuz the sprinklers create "snow" on all the bushes. On Halloween I have to make sure that their costumes aren't too warm because it could be 85 that day. Actually a friend of mine who moved here from Canada said we have seasons. Summer - hot as hell, Fall - hot windy and fire, Winter - warm days cool nights slight chance of rain and mudslides, Spring - warm/hot 50/50 chance.

Anyway I will have to focus on all pluses of living in Cali as I suffer through another hot ass day.
Tell myself, beach, family, mountains, shopping, lots to do. Ok a little better.

Alert

Non Precipitation Advisory

EXCESSIVE HEAT WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 10 AM THIS MORNING TO 7 PM PDT THIS EVENING, EXCESSIVE HEAT WARNING IN EFFECT FROM 10 AM TO 7 PM PDT SUNDAY... More

Saturday

Hi: 101°

Lo: 76°

Mostly Sunny

Hourly

Sunday

Hi: 100°

Lo: 75°

Partly Cloudy

Hourly

Monday

Hi: 97°

Lo: 71°

Partly Cloudy

Tuesday

Hi: 94°

Lo: 69°

Mostly Sunny

Just busy.

2007-08-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

Well I am still freaking out but have been really busy too. We went camping for 7 days and when we got back it was the boys 7th birthday. So I had about 10 loads of laundry to do and a party to get ready for. Now I am just trying to catch up.

Emmy is starting preschool on the same day the boys are starting first grade. Ahhhhhh it is going to be an emotional day. She is only going two half days a week but it is still a big jump into a new world. She is beyond excited. She knows what school is because she would go everyday to take the boys. She can't wait to have "lotsa friends" and go wee on the big slide. I think I am going to have a hard time getting her to come home at noon.

All these changes happening make me nervous. I feel like I am in a dream world most days. I keep hoping to wake up and everything be back to normal. But I don't think that will happen. Now I am getting worried about if this baby will be alright. I know, I know, if I am not worrried about one thing its another.

Here are a couple of recent pics of the kids.

It starts.

2007-08-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

All the reasons I hate being pregnant are becoming apparently clear. The insomnia and anxiety attacks at night are relentless. Then add the normal fatigue you get with pregnancy and I am a joy to behold every day. I can't get comfortable to save my life and roll over and flip flop all night.

And every once in a while this wave of panic rushes over me with every question in the book popping in my head. Then I was laying with Emmy last night on my bed after her shower. We were just snuggling and talking and she says "I love you mommy very much, always your baby?" Well I started balling because I took that away from her. She won't be the baby for long. I wanted her to be the baby. She is meant to be the baby. And I changed her life forever. I feel horrible about that. I have no idea how I am going to find the time or the energy to give all 4 of my kids the attention they need.

In the mean time I am trying to pack for five people for 7 days. No fun. This is my last day to get it all done. Wish me luck. I hope everyone stays safe and happy while I am gone.

Accidents happen.

2007-08-12T14:33:00.001-07:00

Well the crimson tide never arrived so I took a test. And it was positive. And now I don't know what to do.

First of all I am the most fertile person on the planet. One time is all it takes for me. I know this and still made the mistake of playing the odds.

Second, this is exactly what I don't need. I really really really do not want another child. I am happy with my family the way it is. I love my baby girl and wanted her to be my last. And my boys take so much energy I just don't know where I am going to find more.

Third, my parents are going to freak and his mom is going to freak. They have all seen how overwhelmed I am. My mom especially is not going to be over joyed. So I am not at all looking forward to having to tell them.

Forth, If it is a boy, we have no where to put him. We only have a 3 bedroom house. Yes we have an office but it is heavily used so I don't think we could use that. I guess we might have to. I don't know. So we will be praying for a girl.

My husband is shocked but happier than me. He grew up one of 5 so this is not the end of the world to him. But his lack of panic is pissing me off and making me feel all alone.

So I sit here typing and crying and feeling overwhelmed. I can say with all honesty that I do not want this baby. But I also know in my mind that I will love it. I have heard of many people who had surprises and eventually it all works out. I guess I just have to get over it and deal with the next nine months and the fact that I will have 4 kids. The fact that I will never get out of this house. The fact that I did this to myself.

Tag!

2007-08-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

8 things about me

1. I love the show Gene Simmons Family Values.

2. I love Sushi.

3. I am addicted to the computer.

4. My brother just called me to officially tell me that he is getting a divorce after 20 years of marriage. =(

5. I never see my best friend. We have drifted apart.

6. I long to go to NYC.

7. I hate cleaning.

8. I am a day dreamer.

I would tag people but I don't have anyone new to tag that hasn't done it. =(

Life is fleeting.

2007-08-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

A young man with a wife and two very young kids goes off to the gym to work out. An hour later he is dead, suffering a massive heart attack from a heart defect he didn't know about. The person that died was a cousin of my husbands good friend. I have never met him but have heard of him but his death is a reminder.

My husband is at the funeral right now supporting his friend. And all I can think about is that poor family. There is woman there today, my age, sitting in a pew with her two young children and she is having to say good bye to her husband and best friend. And there are two young children, too young to know what is going on, sitting in a pew at the funeral of their father. Sooooo sad.

Just another one of lifes reminders that life comes and goes in seconds. No one is above death. It comes for all.

RIP Richard Anthony Jaimie.

Jaime, Richard Anthony, beloved son, brother, husband and father, a resident of Fullerton for seven years, passed away July 30, 2007. He left behind his parents, Richard and Mary Ann; brothers, Eric and Christopher all of Orange; wife, Risa Jaime; daughter, Roberta; son, Richard Reese. Rosary was held at Hilgenfeld Mortuary 8/2. Mass will be held at Holy Family Cathedral 566 South Glassell, Orange CA, Friday Aug. 3 at noon. Procession immediately following to Loma Vista Memorial Park, Fullerton. He will be deeply missed.

Scary

2007-07-21T21:11:00.000-07:00

Isn't it horrifying what cancer can do:

RIP

Soooooo Hilarious and true!

2007-07-21T12:07:00.000-07:00

Where to Live After Retirement

You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that " dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature,"
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

AND You can live in Florida where..

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Why am I the bad guy?

2007-07-20T18:08:00.000-07:00

The other night Anthony said something to me that was very hurtful. Charles had taken them over to a friend of his kinda late because he was leaving the next day for 4 days and wanted to spend some time with them. Well they didn't get home until 10 and this is way past their supposed bedtime. So they get out and I hug them and I say to get inside and brush their teeth. Anthony says "Dad said we could cricket hunt when we get home" and I say "I don't think Dad knew how late it was when he said that" and Anthony said "I knew you would ruin all the fun, you always ruin all the fun". I almost started crying right there but instead I went upstairs to bed and cried. I let Charles put them to bed and didn't even say good night. Then the next day we were watching some Disney movie about Halloween town and the mom was telling the daughter she had to go back to the mortal world and couldn't fly around on a broom stick. Michael turns to me and says "She sounds like you, always ending the fun". I told him that Moms do what is best for their child and not what is fun. But that is not something a 6 year old cares to understand.

I don't want to be the bad guy. But I am. And I hate it. I want to be the fun one. The one they can't wait to see. I want to be the one that never says no. But that is not my role in this family and I really don't know how to change it. Well I kinda know. I could just not care about rules or sleep or nutrition. I could not care if my children turn out to be rude, ill mannered little monsters. Then I would be fun. But for some reason I can't do this. Why can't I just let go of the rules?

I really really wish we could be equally the bad guy. I wish he could make them do their homework. I wish he could make them eat their veggies or fruit. I wish he could tell them to pick up. Don't get me wrong. He does occasionally back me up and even has disciplined them for things. But he doesn't help with the mundane routine tasks of life that my boys think I am inflicting on them.

I am thinking that maybe I should be in charge of somethings and Charles in charge of others. For example, I am in charge of making them pick up, brush their teeth, and homework and he could be in charge of making them eat something, playing nicely with their sister etc. I don't know. All I know is I don't want to be the wicked witch of the west.

All alone with 3 monsters

2007-07-19T07:57:00.000-07:00

Charles left on a fishing trip for 4 days. I am stuck here trying to keep the kids from killing each other. Fun times.

So True

2007-07-18T11:15:00.000-07:00

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
_____________________________________________________
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
____________________________________________________
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
______________________________________________________
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
______________________________________________________
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and!
wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
______________________________________________________
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
___________________________________________________
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3 rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
______________________________________________________
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby : Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
_____________________________________________________
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
______________________________________________________
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance!
______________________________________________________

Hey sleep, come to my house!

2007-07-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

Sleep does not exist at my house. It seems lately that everyone is having a hard time getting some. I have always slept horribly since I was very little. And I am guessing I passed this trait on to my offspring. One thing that contributes to my lack of sleep is the time I actually go to sleep. Every night I say I am going to be early. But then all the kids are asleep late and I want at least two hours to myself with no one bothering me. So I end up in bed around 11:30 and fall asleep around midnight. Then Emmy wakes up at least twice a night and bangs her head against her mirrored closet doors. This makes a very loud sound so I have to go in there, put her back in bed, and rub her back until she goes back to sleep. Then Anthony wakes up and announces he has to pee which wakes me up. Then he wakes up an hour later, 6 am because he is sooooo excited his best friend is coming over today to go swimming. He refuses to go back to sleep but I make him stay in his bed. Then Emmy starts rocking against her mirrored doors (waking from all the commotion with Anthony) so Charles, who is awake getting ready for work, gets her and brings her back to our bed where she falls back asleep. And I am now left here to clean the house before our guests arrive with no sleep and grumpy kids. I could only dream of a night where I actually went to sleep and didn't wake up til the morning.

When does school start back up?

2007-07-03T10:25:00.000-07:00

Not soon enough. Keeping all 3 of the kids from killing each other has taken up most of my energy. Every two seconds someone is screaming that Emmy took their toy or Emmy is screaming because they won't share. It is so friggin hot out that I don't want to take them to a park but it is obvious that they NEED to get out. They do go swimming but it is hard because I have to sit there and watch them when I could be doing other things.

This whole thing has me uninspired and makes Charles mad at me. He says he is tired of seeing me mope around. I am just giving up on this week. Tomorrow is the 4th and we don't have much planned. We may go to my BILs and hang but it is really difficult cuz they have an ungated pool so it really isn't relaxing for me. After being at my brothers (Emmy tried to jump in the jacuzzi without her floaties on) I just don't feel like chasing her around for hours. Plus their pool has different levels and you can't see the surface of the water very well. Stressfull.

Things to look forward to. I am getting a cut and color that is lonnnnnng over due on thursday night. Maybe that will lift my spirits. Plus Charles is taking the boys with him to Fresno Friday morning to visit his best friend for the weekend. So a little less fighting for a couple of days. I also have Friday to look forward to kinda. I have book club and since Charles will be gone Emmy is going to spend the night at my MILs. But I do have to make a pasta salad that they will all like which is hard because a couple of them only eat organic and one is a vegetarian so I am really struggling with finding a recipe that they will all find suitable.

So in conclusion I am feeling blahhhh but am hoping that next week will be a new beginning and I will get out of this funk. And I also hate this friggin heat. The end.

Down by the sea

2007-07-02T16:23:00.000-07:00

Camping pics

2007-06-28T12:23:00.001-07:00

We took the boys camping and they had a blast. So did I. I had a lot of peaceful quiet moments by the lake, stream and in the trailer. It was heaven and have now become my "happy place" that I go to when the kids are driving me bonkers. In the last photo of Michael by Mack lake it looks just like one in the previous post. Must be a popular place to stop and take a photo.

Emmy did very well with her grandma. In fact she was so well behaved that my MIL says she doesn't believe any of my monster stories. She thinks I am nuts. I told her she was so well behaved because she was getting everything she wanted but my MIL doesn't buy it. Oh well.

We are scheduled to go back at the end of August and take Emmy with us. Maybe grandma will want her again. We'll see.

Gone Campin!

2007-06-20T13:07:00.001-07:00

This is where I will be for the next 4 days. The Eastern Sierra Nevada, specifically Rock Creek Lake. I have my book, Elephants for Water, and I am going to sit by the lake while the boys fish. I also have a nice bottle of petite sirah in the trailer along with a bottle of Tequila. Oh and baileys to go with the hot chocolate. Emmy is staying behind and I am sad cuz I know I will miss her. But it will be better for the boys and me. She is a lot to handle and we really want to get in some good hikes. So so long for now and hopefully I get some nice pics.

Fathers day.

2007-06-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

The kids had a blast at my brothers. I'll let the pics speak for themselves.

Bitter sweet.

2007-06-15T18:30:00.000-07:00

Well the boys graduated this week and are now first graders. It was bitter sweet. Kindergarten had become so familiar and it was really hard, especially for Michael, to leave. At their school the kindergarten is kind of separate from the rest of the school, with its own playground and lunch tables. Michael is quite sad that he won't be able to play there next year. He is also going to miss his teacher but is comforted by the fact that we will walk by her class every morning and he can say hi. Poor Anthony doesn't have that luxury because his teacher is moving to Loveland, Colorado. So he is sad too but not as emotional as Michael. We were very fortunate to have such great and caring teachers. So I am gonna miss them too and hopefully we are as lucky for first grade.

Michael

Anthony

Michael and his teacher

Anthony and his teacher

Book Club

2007-06-09T10:25:00.001-07:00

I was invited into a book club about 5 months ago by my old neighbor Jill. I have really enjoyed it because it has made me start reading again. I love the way a good book can take you to far away places and introduce you to new cultures and people. Anyway this last book was my choice. I chose Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. It was terrific. I loved it.

Since I chose the book I hosted the meeting. I did a chinese theme. Here is how my dining room looked. I even found a paper lantern.

Here are the place settings. I gave
each member a chinese book mark, chop sticks and a chinese wine charm.

The evening went really well. Everyone brought a chinese appetizer or dish. We drank this wonderful petite sirah by Oak Grove and also some cranberry lemondade and vodka. A very relaxing and enjoyable evening.

Hilarious

2007-05-29T13:07:00.000-07:00

glumbert.com - The Apple iRack

Politics

2007-05-26T19:37:00.000-07:00

Rosie
I get what you are saying. I really do. But the show is called "the View". So you give yours and others give theirs and you say things like "Interesting, oh Really" and then move on. I really don't like how the show became all about you. That wasn't the original concept and more people would have been more receptive to your "view" if you hadn't tried to cram it down peoples throats.

Elizabeth
I get what you are saying. You are not responsible for defending Rosie. If she makes a comment she needs to clarify it. But you need to open your eyes and speak your truth, not just the party line. You need to stop playing victim. You get paid to be the only Republican there. So just suck it up. What else would you be doing.

I usually tend to vote Republican. But I really hate labels. They pigeon hole people who decide to follow what everyone else is doing and not make decisions case by case, person by person, bill by bill. I don't know what I am. Sometimes I vote republican but there are things I support that are clearly democratic. I guess within each party there are shades. You can be at the light end of the republican color or the dark end. And the same for Democrats. I am probably on the border between a light democrat and light republican.

I know that this war has gone too far and too long. The Iraqis need to help themselves now. We need to stop killing innocent people. We need to find Bin Laden. Bush has lost sight of this and is like a dog with a bone. I would respect Bush more if he would just say that. But he never will and instead will go down in history as a horrible president when he could have been great. Sad. I voted for him and had high hopes for him after 9/11. He really was a great leader in that moment and very comforting and uplifting. But then something changed. And his hatred for Sadam and terrorists clouded is overall judgement and his vision of the future. I get what he wants. It is what we all would like. Peace. For Iraq to be a free and happy place. For the people that terrorists recruit to never want to join in because they would be so happy with their country and other countries. But we can't do that for Iraq, they have to do it for themselves. And us being there is only breading more hatred, contempt, and terrorists.

(I reserve the right to edit this later because I am being interrupted by a little girl)

Another meeting about my boys

2007-05-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

About 4 times a year I have to meet with a few people from the school about my boys. This time it was the principle, the school psychologist, special Ed coordinator, both teachers, and the adaptive PE teacher.

The meeting went pretty well. First thing we discussed is what the boys have improved on and what they are still struggling with. Basically it boils down to the fact that they cannot focus in the normal classroom environment. It is too busy and overwhelming. They also have a hard time prioritizing their work and doing what has to be done first. All of the people in the meeting have spent extensive time with the boys and agree on a few things. First of all they think that the curriculum in kindergarten is just boring to the boys. Intellegence wise they are way above the alphabet etc. So sitting at a table and writing the letter c 25 times is just mind numbingly boring and they believe that contributes to them not focusing. All of the educators have seen them focus when they are working one on one or when the subject is interesting to them. But they cannot focus on things that don't interest them. So we are going to work on getting the point across that they just have to do the work and then they can get a reward like a book or playing with toy etc. Both teachers have seen a lot of improvement with their writing but they just aren't fast enough to keep up. This will be a constant battle in first grade.

The principle is going to place them early in first grade and give their files to their teachers. We will meet again with those teachers at the end of summer. Some other things that are going to be considered are extending time for them to do the work and extra help with keeping them focused. The psychologist is also going to do further testing. She is leaning towards Aspergers syndrome but isn't sure.

The good news is they met or exceeded all the requirements in Adaptive PE and the teacher said they will be fine in regular PE next year. We just need to keep up the regular exercise and increasing upper body strength. And also keep working with the ball.

So during the summer they want the boys to keep writing and maybe spend time helping them learn how to direct themselves to do work. They need to learn the internal thought process to get through a paper. So I am brainstorming ideas on this. We already discussed doing a summertime journal where they could take pictures, print them out and write 3 sentences about what they did that day. I am going to have to set up some kind of weekly plan of activities so that everything gets covered. It will be a busy summer but hopefully it will help them in first grade.

Talk-a-thon

2007-05-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

Emmy is amazing me everyday with all the words and sentences she is saying. She has grown verbally so much in the last couple of weeks. She is having conversations with everyone and anyone, even complete strangers. Even the grocery bagger was surprised and said to me, "So Uncle John is comming over for cheeseburgers". I just laughed. And when Uncle John came over he couldn't believe how much she was saying. He hadn't seen her in a month and she is just talking up a storm now. I really love it. I love that she tells me whether she had a good dream or bad dream. I love that she tells me where she has a boo boo. I love that she says "I don't like it" when I give her certain foods, instead of just throwing it. I love that the first thing she says when I open her door in the morning is "Good Morning mommy" and when I say I love you she says "I love you too mommy". She knows so many songs by heart and it is hilarious to watch her sing and dance to them. She loves the wiggles songs and does all the dances. And I also discovered she knows the words to Fergies "Glamorous" and Gwens "Sweet Escape".

Now the down side, she won't stop talking. Add in older brother Anthony's non-stop talking and I often feel like I am going to explode. I rarely have the TV on, not because I am anti TV but because adding any more noise to the mix is not happening. The other down side is her telling me no or I don't like it when it is nap or bed time. If I ask her "Are you tired, do you want to go night night?" she always responds " No, I don't like night night".

Terrifying

2007-05-15T12:44:00.000-07:00

One of my few issues is that I am able to give myself anxiety attacks by thinking of horrible things. From time to time events trigger me to think of the unthinkable.

For example almost 5 years ago a little girl named Samantha Runnion was kidnapped, sexually abused, and murdered not to far from where I live. The crime was and is sooooo horrific to this day I cannot see her face without crying. She was so beautiful and innocent and the most evil thing happened to her. From this time on I have never forgot her and the anxiety I have from this event has been transferred to my children. I am soooo aware of where they are. I do let my boys play out front but they have to stay in front of the window. They have been drilled over and over to not talk to a stranger and when someone comes walking by they run to the screen door and call me. Or sometimes they yell "Stanger stranger" which I am sure the innocent people walking home from school love. Anyway I am probably what most consider over protective and living in a bubble.

Then the story of Adam Walsh. An innocent little boy who was mutilated and to this day they haven't found all of his remains. So horrifying. Just playing at video game center in a Sears, then gone forever. His parents having to live with just finding his head and not knowing how he died or how scared he must have been. And his case never saw a conviction. So no closure.

Then recently a family was driving on a local highway and a truck slammed into the back of them, killing all 3 of their children. In one minute a family of 5 to childless.

I honestly do not know how these parents go on. How they wake up? How they face each day? How they deal with the knowledge that their children died horrible painful evil deaths. I don't know how it is possible. I don't think I could. I think I would go insane or catatonic. It would be too much.

Which brings me to the question I sometimes ask myself. What have I opened myself up to by having these kids? I love them with all my heart. They are the most precious people on the planet to me. And they could be gone in an instant. And my life as I know it would be over. I don't want to be too over protective, but I also don't want to make a mistake and know I could have prevented something horrible. Maybe I am making my children live in a bubble but how can I not knowing all the horrible things that are possible. How do you hear stories like this and not have it affect you or the way you watch your children?

Links to the above stories.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samantha_Runnion

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_Walsh

http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/news/local/ladera/article_1689533.php

Date Night

2007-05-13T19:37:00.000-07:00

Well we had a wonderful evening. I couldn't have asked for more. We went to this restraunt in downtown Fullerton called

We sat in the courtyard and it was just a beautiful peaceful evening. No children screaming. Just the sound of the birds and the fountain. I had a petite filet with tequila shrimp. It was sooooo good. I also had 3 Sangrias. They were also delicious and the chef came out and gave us his recipe. I can't wait to try it. Anyway it was such a peaceful night. After dinner we walked around the streets of downtown Fullerton. They were all filled with happy people just wanting to have a good time.

We decided to go into this little martini bar called
We had a couple of drinks at the bar and just relaxed. It was nice to be able to talk to each other with out being interupted or hearing crying in the background. We left there and walked for a bit before heading home. It was such a wonderful night I didn't want it to end. I miss the peace already. I can't wait to do it again.

and Another

2007-05-08T15:04:00.000-07:00

Well as I type this at 3pm it is 96 degrees outside. Too hot. I was over by the little gym this morning and could see the smoke still wafting up from the remains of yesterdays fire. Charles just called me and sent me this pic which was taken in downtown Pasedena. He is working and saw the smoke. Found out a fire started in Griffith Park at around 1:30. Several important locations are affected by this fire including the Observatory, the Los Angeles Zoo, and the Gene Autry museum. I know I am forgetting others. Anyway, hopefully they get it under control soon. Winds aren't bad today but temps are high. God bless those fire fighters. They sure do work hard and in dangerous conditions.

Hot

2007-05-07T11:46:00.000-07:00

It is hot and windy today. Everytime it gets like this some idiot starts a brush fire. Last night I could smell smoke but never saw anything on the news that would tell me where it was comming from. Anyway I hate these days. Hot, windy, dry, my skin dries out in two seconds. Hopefully no fires today.

Edited at 6:15

Well I left from helping at the boys kindergarten around 4:30 and saw smoke in the sky over by where Emmy goes for Little Gym. I was busy when I got home but just saw this on the local news.

YORBA LINDA, May 7, 2007 (CNS) - A fire that broke out Monday in the eastern corner of Featherly Regional Park in Yorba Linda prompted evacuation of campers in an RV park while crews attacked the wind-driven flames with helicopters and fixed-wing aircraft.

The blaze, reported to the Orange County Fire Authority at 2:10 p.m. in the park at 24001 Santa Ana Canyon Road, started in Coal Canyon and headed in a westerly direction, past Gypsum Canyon and an RV park, said Orange County Fire Authority Capt. Stephen Miller.

By mid-afternoon, it had burned about 30 acres between the Riverside (91) Freeway and the Santa Ana riverbed in a wide area of old trees and vegetation, Miller said.

No recreational trailers had been lost to the flames, he said.

Thirty fire engine companies were on scene and another 30 were on the way late this afternoon. The flames were "nowhere near contained," although crews were starting to get a handle on the blaze, Miller said.

A portion of the Eastern Transportation (241) Corridor near the 91 Freeway was closed because of smoke, Miller said.

See, I knew it. Windy+Hot=fire

I need to breathe

2007-05-04T17:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget how much this helps. Just breathe. I really am overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I have to get done. The house is a disaster. I really let it go this week and just said screw it. I am soooo tired of picking up and the next second it looks like a friggin tornado hit. One meal destroys the kitchen and the dining room floor looks like something exploded on it after the 3 kids eat. Anyway I have to step it up this weekend cuz next week is extremely busy. Little Gym, helping at the school book fair, field trip to the zoo, School open house, dog sitting, bake a cake, book club, pick a book for book club, date night, and mothers day. Ahhhhhh. Ok breathe.

New stuff.

2007-05-04T17:11:00.000-07:00

Well this week just flew by and looking ahead I feel almost overwhelmed.

We got a new vehicle this week to tow our trailer. My van was not gonna cut on the steep grades of the Sierra Nevadas so we got an SUV. I really like it but still like my van better. And with gas prices it is gonna suck. At least I don't drive much during a regular week but I can't bare to fill it up so I send Charles ha ha. Anyway I also miss my van cuz it was just easier all around but the amount of fun this vehicle is gonna give my boys this summer will make me forget the van in no time.

Leaving her behind :(

2007-04-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

For our first camping trip of the summer, we decided to leave Emmy behind. We bought a trailer this past winter and we have about 5 4 day trips planned this summer. Well, as per my other post, Emmy never stops. It is going to be a nightmare having her there cuz it isn't like she is going to just sit by the campsite, or sit by the stream, or sit by the lake. Where we camp is very rocky and hilly. It isn't a green meadow. So we decided to leave her with my MIL the first trip in the middle of June. I really struggled with this because they are supposed to be family trips but I think it is for the best. Here are my reasons.

First, the whole trip I will be telling her no, no, no and she will be screaming. At my MILs this will not happen. They are already planning trips to Chuck E Cheese and the park etc. She will probably get spoiled rotten.

Second, the boys are always having activities cut short because of her, if she isn't there they can fish or hike all day. It will be a nice time to reconnect with them and give them some really good attention.

Third, my MIL is moving from Cali to Texas in August. So this will be some good bonding time with her. They are just now starting to get close and Emmy loves her "mama". We also will not have another chance to have any breaks from Emmy after my MIL moves because we don't really have anyone that can take her overnight.

Fourth, I need a vacation. I really do. And although we will have the boys with us it will still be relaxing because they are almost 7. They just fish and hunt for bugs all day. So I can bring a book and sit by the stream or lake and relax. And I'll be there for the big catch and to give them lots of hugs and praise. Also I am looking forward to a nice hike through this valley that is up the road from our campground.

Little Lakes Valley
Here is a link if you want to go on a virtual hike there
http://www.rockcreeklake.com/virtual/llvalley/1.htm

Well as for the cons, I will miss her with all my heart. I have never been away from her for more than 1 night. And it does bug me that we will have a family vacation with out her. But I know that there will be 4 more trips that she will be on and drive me crazy.

Rock Creek Lake, Eastern Sierra Nevada

Rock Creek which runs through our campground.